The best quotes of the great combinator. Ostap Bender quotes
"12 chairs" is one of best comedies, which was shot by the famous Soviet director Leonid Gaidai in 1971 according to novel of the same name I. Ilf and E. Petrov. The comedy was filmed in two series: "The Ice Has Broken" and "The Meeting Continues." The comedy premiered on June 21, 1971.
To play the role of Ostap Bender, Gaidai invited Archil Gomiashvili, and Rostislav Plyatt was approved for the role of Kisa Vorobyaninov, instead of Sergei Filippov, who was seriously ill. But Filippov assured that he was ready to act, no matter what. Upon learning of such a desire, Plyatt refused the role of Kisa in favor of Filippov, although he himself did not remain without a role. In the film, Rostislav Plyatt reads the words from the author.
G. Volchek and N. Mordyukova claimed the role of Madame Gritsatsuyeva. Mordyukova was denied this role, so it seemed to Gaidai not funny. Galina Volchek turned out to be preferable, but sound engineer Vladimir Krachkovsky offered his wife, Natalia Krachkovsky, for this role. Looking at her, Gaidai said: "Here it is, the poet's dream."
Quotes from the movie 12 chairs are very popular in society. This collection of quotes will remind you best moments Soviet comedy.
How much is opium for the people?
The meeting continues! The ice has broken, gentlemen of the jury!
Maybe give you another key to the apartment where the money is?
I will lead the parade!
There are also sleeves from the vest, a circle from a donut and a dead donkey's ears.
Who do you think this powerful old man is? Don't say you can't know. This is a giant of thought, the father of Russian democracy and a person close to the emperor.
Oh, Kisa, - said Ostap, - we are strangers at this celebration of life.
Although we do not have Paris, we are welcome to our hut.
Give me the sausage, give me the sausage, fool! I will forgive everything!
Boy... Is it bad? Whoever says it's a girl, let him throw a stone at me first!
Dad, you are a vulgar person!
No time to hug, he said. Farewell darling. We parted like ships at sea.
Hit or miss. I choose pan, although he is an obvious Pole.
All smuggling is done in Odessa, on Malaya Arnautskaya street.
Here's a gray beard for you! Here's a devil in your ribs!
The first move is E2-E4, and then... And then we'll see.
Why are you looking at me like a soldier at a louse? Overwhelmed with happiness?
Half mine, half ours...
You were deceived, this is not a Mexican jerboa, this is a Shanghai leopard
Lord! Children will not forget you!
The office writes
Quotes Ellochka Cannibals
Your whole back is white (joke)
Don't teach me how to live
Boy. (In relation to all familiar men, regardless of age and social status.)
Ho-ho! (Expresses, depending on the circumstances, irony, surprise, delight, hatred, joy, contempt and satisfaction.)
Let's take a taxi. (male acquaintances)
Thick and handsome. (Used as a characteristic of inanimate and animate objects)
Quotes by Kisa Vorobyaninov
Lord! Lord! Are you going to beat us?
- And how!
Hold it! He stole our sausage!
Let's go to the rooms!
Quotes from other heroes
Dusya! You make me angry. I am a man tormented by narzans.
I can't at the source. From the source, I started having visions.
Consent is the product of complete non-resistance of the parties.
The answer is the equivalent of a thought.
There it in the swing
Coffin, he loves work
Music!!! Goose ready?
Not for self-interest, but only by the will of the wife who sent me
Birds, repent of your sins in public!
I'll give you the sausage! Take me down!
Is Vorobyaninov prowling somewhere now?
... And he went away from me, into brothel should be
Ilya Ilf and Evgeny Petrov
Don't think. Be quiet. And don't forget to puff out your cheeks.
Ostap hasn't eaten anything since yesterday. Therefore, his eloquence was unusual.
The art of the madmen, the cave painting, or the drawing made by the tail of a defiant mule, looked like museum treasures compared to Ostap's banner.
The air is clean, and smart thoughts come into my head!
Ostap wiped his noble forehead. He was hungry to such an extent that he would gladly eat a fried chess horse.
… breathe deeply - you are excited!
You are an eccentric, Balaganov! Happiness does not know expectation. It has long flown over the ocean and is now basking in the sun near the ocean, singing cheerful tunes. America is a land of permanent and all-encompassing happiness.
According to Ostap, the confusion and disorientation of the enemy is the main, main and paramount direction in the struggle for a valuable trophy. Imbalance mental strength the enemy is the path to triumph and victory. – Ostap Bender
Maybe for complete happiness, baby, in addition to money, they also offer the key to my apartment, where the denyushki lie peacefully?
Let's all hit the rally together with the general sloppiness and impassability all around!
Don't try to think. Be very silent. And do not try to open your mouth, not forgetting to puff out your cheeks.
A modest amount of five hundred rubles will help save a person close to the emperor. Otherwise, we'll give you parabellum! Author - O. Bender
The ice has broken, dear gentlemen of the jury!
- The Vorobyaninovs in their centuries-old history have never extended their hands for alms! “If you don’t agree, you old fool, you will stretch out your legs!”
Time, which is in bulk, - said Ostap, - is money, which is periodically in a stable deficit.
I don't need a perpetual motion machine and I don't need an indelible primus needle either - no one can live forever.
The meeting, oddly enough, continues, gentlemen, dear assessors.
Continuation famous aphorisms and quotes by O. Bender read on the pages:
Statistics knows everything.
How much is opium for the people?
People who do not read newspapers should be morally killed on the spot.
Foreign countries will help us.
Church of the Savior on potatoes.
Do not make food a cult!
Why is that so many? Are oats expensive these days?
Speaking of childhood. As a child, people like you, I killed on the spot. From a slingshot.
Give me the sausage, fool! I will forgive everything!
In the sandy steppes of Arabian land, three proud palms for some reason grew.
It seems that the psychological moment for supper has come, thought Ostap. - Ilya Ilf and Evgeny Petrov. Golden calf
Here's a gray beard for you! Here's a devil in your ribs!
Your gasoline - our ideas.
Russia will not forget you!
The secret union of sword and plowshare!
Take care of your pince-nez, Kitty. Everything will start now.
Well, what do you say, Shura?! Maybe we eh-ride!? - Ilya Ilf and Evgeny Petrov. Golden calf
Why are you looking at me like a soldier at a louse?
Ah, you thought? Do you think sometimes? You are a thinker. What is your last name, thinker? Spinoza? Jean Jacques Rousseau? Marcus Aurelius?
A! White acacias, emigration flowers.
Lieutenant Schmidt had three sons. Two are smart, and the third is a fool.
Wine, women and cards are provided to us.
The second stage of stealing a goose. The third stage will begin after the capture of the culprit. It is accompanied by sensitive beatings.
Do not make food a cult!
You have been deceived. You've been given much better fur. These are Shanghai leopards.
Whoever says it's a girl, let him be the first to throw a stone at me!
All smuggling is done in Odessa, on Malaya Arnautskaya street.
No time to hug! Farewell, my love! We parted like ships at sea.
Well articulated, dog. Learn.
Once in the country some roam banknotes, then there must be people who have a lot of them. - Ilya Ilf and Evgeny Petrov. Golden calf
Go, go. I serve only on Saturdays, there is nothing to pour here.
The hearing continues, gentlemen of the jury.
The financial abyss is the deepest of the abysses, you can fall into it all your life.
An international chess tournament should be held in Vasyuki.
You need to erect a monument not made by hands.
What a cold country we live in! We have everything hidden, everything is underground. Soviet millionaire cannot even find the Narkomfin with its super-powerful tax apparatus.
Don't be a lady cow. - Ilya Ilf and Evgeny Petrov. Golden calf
I'll give you parabellum.
No. This is not Rio de Janeiro, this is much worse.
Although we do not have Paris, we are welcome to our hut.
I love old people - you will never get bored with them.
The ice has broken, gentlemen!
Take off your hats, bare your heads. The body will now be removed.
But sin no more, or I will rip out my hands by the roots.
In passion, as in happiness, we are all looking for constancy, But nothing lasts forever under the moon - no.
Whoever says it's a girl, let him be the first to throw a stone at me
Abroad is a myth about the afterlife. Whoever gets there does not return. - Ilya Ilf and Evgeny Petrov. Golden calf
Give me money! Come on money!
I will lead the parade!
Hit or miss. I choose pan, although he is an obvious Pole.
I had with the Soviet government for Last year the most serious disagreements. She wants to build socialism, but I don't want to. I'm bored with building socialism. - Ilya Ilf and Evgeny Petrov. Golden calf
Well, march forward, the trumpet is calling!
Sow reasonable, good, eternal, citizens!
What money? You seem to be asking about some money? The office is writing.
Or maybe you still have the key to the apartment where the money is?
How much is opium for the people?
No applause needed! The Count of Monte Cristo did not work out of me. Will have to retrain as a manager
For every vitamin I feed you, I will demand many small favors from you.
Soon only cats will be born.
Do you know who is sitting there? This is a giant of thought, the father of Russian democracy, a person close to the emperor.
A sultry woman, said Ostap, is a poet's dream. Provincial immediacy. In the center of such subtropics have long been gone, but on the periphery, in the field - they are still found. - Ilya Ilf and Evgeny Petrov. Golden calf
I'll arrange it in such a way that he will bring me his money himself, on a silver platter.
Well articulated, dog.
The secret union of sword and plowshare!
So, Balaganov, you are a dude. Don't be offended. By this I want to indicate precisely the place that you occupy under the sun.
That's all that's left of ten thousand. 34 rubles. And I thought. that we still have seven thousand on the current account. How did it happen? Everything was so fun, we were preparing horns and hooves, life was intoxicating and the Earth was spinning especially for us, and suddenly ...
I would stuff your snout, but Zarathustra won't allow it.
The widow sleeps and has a dream. Sorry to wake her up!
A sultry woman, a poet's dream.
I am certainly not a cherub. I don't have wings, but I respect the Criminal Code. This is my weakness.
Ears from a dead donkey.
I've got White hair? -No way! - So they will. We have great battles ahead of us. You will also turn gray, Balaganov.
Who does not know the wonderful adventurer Ostap Bender? He easily finds a way out of any situation, his adventures are original. And some of his phrases were so fond of readers that they became popular expressions. And even if you have not read books about his adventures and have not watched the films made on them, most of Ostap Bender's quotes will seem familiar to you.
About finance
Ostap Bender loved luxury. He always dreamed of going abroad and living for his own pleasure. But this requires money. Therefore, with amazing persistence, he looked for various ways to get rich quick. Or the adventurer could have been planning a scam for months. But the goal was the same - to immediately receive huge sums that would be enough for a comfortable life. Ostap Bender's quotes about finance, even after a long period of time, are still relevant.
"The financial abyss is the deepest of all abysses. You can fall into it all your life" - what could the great strategist mean? Everything is very simple: a person who finds himself in a difficult financial situation may not get out of it. More often than not, this happens due to misappropriation of funds. After all, if a person is not able to manage his funds wisely, then a financial abyss will open before him. That's why, dear comrades Be smart with your savings!
On the importance of thinking
Ostap Bender was inexhaustible in ideas for enrichment. And all of them were distinguished by a non-trivial approach and thorough preparation for major scams. But, in case of need, the great strategist could just as quickly earn money for the most necessary things. Some quotes by Ostap Bender are just about how important it is to be able to quickly generate ideas.
"You have to think. For example, I am fed with ideas" - if you have read or watched a film about a great strategist, you have noticed how easily he has ideas for enrichment. And it does not matter whether it concerns huge sums or the search for money to travel to the appointed place. Anything could inspire him. It's just that Bender had an extraordinary mind, was more observant than most people, and creatively approached the task.
"Religion is the opium of the people"
Well-known revolutionary figures K. Marx and V. Lenin adhered to this opinion. But she became so popular thanks to the well-known combinator Bender. "How much is opium for the people?" - this is the question Ostap asked his father Fedor - his competitor in the search for diamonds. And it was this phrase, said in such a humorous and satirical vein, that became popular.
"How much is opium for the people?" - It was not by chance that Ostap asked such a question to his opponent. After all, Father Fyodor was different from the usual image of a priest: he was by no means opposed to getting rich. Therefore, Bender asked him, implying that he was misleading people with his apparent piety and modest lifestyle. But in fact, he is the same adventurer as Ostap.
Secret society
Ostap Bender knew that he was dissatisfied with the Soviet regime. These are the nobles, from whom all the property was taken away and given to the state. But they still had some savings. Therefore, the great strategist needed their help.
Created secret society and began to inspire people that Soviet power would soon fall, there would be orders again as in tsarist Russia. And for greater persuasiveness, Bender said the phrase: "Foreign countries will help us!" And this was a weighty argument, because the former nobles remembered those times when they calmly traveled abroad. Therefore, the great strategist quickly won their trust. "Foreigners will help us!" - implied capitalist countries whose government did not like the Soviet regime. Ostap knew about it, that's why he uttered such words.
Characterization of the combinator in one phrase
Ostap Bender is a bright charismatic personality. And, despite the fact that his main income is various financial frauds, he arouses sympathy among readers and viewers. Ostap Bender's quotes remain relevant to this day. Even people who do not know about this character have heard them and use them in their speech. One of these - "I will command the parade!".
This phrase fully reveals the personality of the great strategist. A person who boldly and openly makes a statement that he takes over the entire organization of the event is already showing himself as strong personality. After all, not everyone can take control in their own hands and be ahead of the rest. Ostap Bender is a leader with excellent organizational skills, versed in psychology, and therefore he could find an approach to any person. But at the same time, he is not without a sense of justice, which he carefully concealed in order to preserve his image of a strict and stern leader.
"I'll be in command of the parade!" people say when they take the lead in organizing an event.
Ironic attitude towards a woman
Ostap Bender was not at all sentimental and did not dream of a high feeling. More than anything, he loved money. But sometimes the young adventurer was fond of beautiful people. Although, most often, it was necessary for his adventures.
Once, in a provincial town, he met an attractive young lady, about whom he said: "A sultry woman is a poet's dream!" The impressionable lady dreamed of passionate love. Ostap then condescendingly remarked that in big cities such women are no longer found, but in the provinces they still exist.
This is an ironic statement about too temperamental representatives of the fair sex. Why do poets dream about them? Because they always write about sublime feelings. Likewise, these women dream of the same poetic passions.
"12 chairs"
Witty and memorable quotes by Ostap Bender are found on almost every page of the book. It is difficult to determine the most popular, because they are all different worldly wisdom dressed in humor and sarcasm. Ostap Bender's quotes from "12 Chairs" have long become popular expressions, but special ones can be distinguished that will be known to everyone.
"The ice has broken, gentlemen of the jury, the ice has broken!" Who hasn't heard this exclamation? So they say when the first successes appear in the work on a difficult task. Such a comparison is most likely associated with spring: after all, if the ice begins to melt, it means that it is warm. Now this statement is one of best quotes Ostap Bender.
"Golden calf"
In the second part of the adventures of the great strategist, there are many funny episodes that readers remember. Comrade Bender is still witty, resourceful, and loves to give advice. Indifferent to money. In The Golden Calf, there are many apt and sarcastic quotes from the young adventurer, which quickly began to be used in speech by everyone.
One of the most memorable episodes was connected with the car race - Ostap's original adventure. And then he said famous phrase: "A car is not a luxury, but a means of transportation!", thereby showing that people greatly exaggerate the importance of a vehicle, mistakenly believing that only the rich should have it.
The writers I. Ilf and E. Petrov managed to create a character that readers fell in love with, despite the fact that he traded in various scams and machinations. Ostap Bender is a person whose charm fell on everyone who knew him. In his phrases one could read a mockery of human stupidity, the shortcomings of the Soviet regime. Therefore, many of his quotes resonated with readers and later became popular expressions.
“I will build my own amusement park - with blackjack and whores! Although, to hell with the amusement park!
"I'll build my own lunar module, with blackjack and whores! And in general, to hell with the lunar module and blackjack! Ay, to hell with everything!”
"Like many life problems, this can be solved by bending.
"Bite my shiny metal ass" (Bite my shiny metal ass)
Bender: Do you all think that robots were created by humans to make their lives easier?
Fry: Isn't it?
Bender: I never made anyone's life easier and you know it!
"Holy tribute to my ancestors, which later took the form of booze"
"Hi, coffin fillings!"
"I love you meatbags!"
"Darling, do you want to kill all the people?"
"I'm Bender. Please give me a rod"
“Who are you and why should I care?!” (Who are you and why should I care?)
"Beer rules, not you!"
“I'm not greedy, I can donate blood! (Fry: - Whose?) Anyone!"
"I'm 40% titanium (from luck, zinc, dolomite, etc.)"
"Glory to the robots! Kill all humans!"
“That's it, I'm rich! Bye, losers! I've always hated you!"
"Yes! I'm rich! True, you too, but for some reason this does not please.
“Well, of course, if everything around bends, then the robot created for bending is to blame!”
“If I believed that after death another life awaits me, I would kill myself right now.”
"Swinging, it's just a primitive form of bending!"
“I saved the turtle. What did you do?
"Astalavista, bag of bones!" (Hasta la vista, meatbag!)
" I'm dying. I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation!” (I'm dying. I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation.!)
Oh my God! You are Beck! I would stand up to shake your hand and steal your wallet, but my damn body won't listen to me.
I want to live! I haven't stolen much yet!
I'm not famous enough to crush people with impunity.
I hate people who love me. And they hate me!
Come and see how I lived before I met you.
- Did you live before you met me?
Well, of course, if everything bends around, then the robot created for bending is to blame.
Santa: Bender can't be Santa! It doesn't have the same model!
Bender: Yeah! If, for example, the robots of my model do not steal, this does not bother me.
Do you want me to mock the corpse a little?
Do not forget about the rules of good manners. Forks in the left pocket, spoons in the right!
Let's look real. Comedy is a dead genre, but tragedy is funny!
Posers! I hated Zoidberg before it was fashionable.
Save my friends... and Zoidberg!
Leela, understand, it's very difficult to find a guy with one eye... It's easier to find a guy with two eyes and gouge one out!
The era of cruelties of the previous pharaoh has passed forever!.. The era of my cruelties has begun!
Watch porn and make money?! Something I can't believe.
Who are you talking to?
- Shut up, with your mom, with no one - choose for yourself.
Don't blame yourself, just hit yourself in the face with rusty chains.
"Blackmail" sounds somehow vulgar, I like "extortion" more.
Don't hit me!.. I'll betray anyone!
Do you know what cheers me up? Making fun of other people's failures.
All jerks! You. Me. Here's the moron. This is my philosophy.
How can I prove that I am a living person?
- Die on the spot - iron proof!
Hey, I don't tell you how to tell me what to do, so don't tell me how to do what you tell me to do!
I studied your wine menu and chose: 71 Hobo de Live, 56 Choto Partel and 66 Tender Shelts.
- Fine choice sir.
- Mix everything in a large bucket.
You may say that I am talking nonsense. But what!
I need a calculator.
- Bender, you're a calculator.
- I need a good calculator!
She has something stuck inside, and he's just an idiot. Lovers are all like that.
He ate the food I had prepared and coincidentally his stomach ruptured...
I like to live the way I live!
- Sounds like a cry for help!
Bender, how are you going to live without a body?
- The body is necessary for whores and fat men! And I need a bundle of money and a head to hold them!
"I feel so ashamed!!! I want everyone to die! »
The twelve Chairs
Aren't there prehistoric animals in mattresses?
You need to erect a monument not made by hands.
You have been deceived. You've been given much better fur. These are Shanghai leopards.
- What is your political credo? - Always!
An international chess tournament should be held in Vasyuki.
Wine, women and cards are provided to us.
Here's a gray beard for you! Here's a devil in your ribs!
All smuggling is done in Odessa, on Malaya Arnautskaya street.
What regiment did you serve in?
After all, you are not my mother, not my sister, and not my mistress.
Foreign countries will help us.
The hearing continues, gentlemen of the jury.
A sultry woman, a poet's dream.
Signals will fly from Vasyukov to Mars, Jupiter and Neptune.
What money? You seem to be asking about some money?
The office is writing.
Who do you think this powerful old man is? Don't say you can't know. This is a giant of thought, the father of Russian democracy and a person close to the emperor.
Whoever says it's a girl, let him be the first to throw a stone at me!
The ice has broken, gentlemen of the jury!
Maybe give you another key to the apartment where the money is?
We are strangers in this celebration of life.
I would stuff your snout, but Zarathustra won't allow it.
Nobody likes us, except for the Criminal Investigation Department, who doesn't like us either.
Don't be a lady cow.
Bye then! Write letters!..
Well, you're an abortion victim!
Give me the sausage, fool! I will forgive everything!
Ears from a dead donkey.
How much is opium for the people?
The subject of my lecture is a fruitful opening idea. What, comrades, is a debut, and what, comrades, is an idea? The debut, comrades, is "Quasi una fantasia". And what, comrades, is an idea? An idea, comrades, is a human thought clothed in a logical chess form.
Five hundred rubles can save a giant of thought.
Russia will not forget you!
Soon only cats will be born.
The secret union of sword and plowshare!
Although we do not have Paris, we are welcome to our hut.
Why is that so many? Are oats expensive these days?
I'll give you parabellum.
Golden calf
We don't need rude people. We ourselves are rude. Let's go.
A car is not a luxury, but a means of transportation.
Ah, you thought? Do you think sometimes? You are a thinker. What is your last name, thinker? Spinoza? Jean-Jacques Rousseau? Marcus Aurelius?
But what, do I look like a person who can have relatives?
And a locker like “Hey, Slavs!” You won't get much here.
…Right, Shura?
You are not descended from a monkey, like all other citizens, you are descended from a cow.
Did you do something on the floor there? Did you share money?
The countess, with a changed face, runs to the pond.
Load the barrels of oranges brothers Karamazov
I will lead the parade!
By the way, about childhood. As a child, people like you, I killed on the spot. From a slingshot.
Who is Studebaker? Is this your cousin Studebaker? Is your dad a Studebaker? What do you stick to a person?
Maybe we just want to eh-ride?
... On a silver platter.
Do not make a cult out of food.
No applause needed! The Count of Monte Cristo did not work out of me. You will have to retrain as a manager.
No, this is not Rio de Janeiro, this is much worse.
No, I will not choke him with a pillow or hit him on the head with a black revolver...
Don't you know? Meanwhile, many people find that I am strikingly similar to my father.
The original design, the dawn of motoring. See, Balaganov, what can be done from a simple Singer sewing machine? A small adaptation - and it turned out to be a lovely collective farm sheaf binder.
The ashes of the deceased were carried in the arms of relatives and friends.
Just don't shoot at the chandelier, it's superfluous.
Let's hit the rally on the roads and slovenliness!
Church of the Savior on potatoes.
What, hasn't Genosse Polykhaev come yet? Strange.
The broad masses of billionaires are getting acquainted with the life of the new, Soviet village.
Shura, my dear, restore the status quo!
I do not hold out my paw for the sour executive committee ruble.
I am the son of Lieutenant Schmidt.
I want to leave here. Over the past year, I have had the most serious disagreements with the Soviet government. She wants to build socialism, but I don't want to.
