Sayings of conductors: the most complete collection. Conductors joke Phrases of symphony orchestra conductors

Conductor's words:

These are operational syncopations!
Play with your ears!
Cellos and other violas...
Throw the bows up to the ceiling!
Accelerandy violas...
In the second bar, you went deeper...
Fortissimo pressed into a piano...
You are not allowed to rehearse during the rehearsal!
You have a clue behind your back!
You should have absorbed this work with the teacher's milk!
Sounds like inexpressive spaghetti!
2nd clarinet! Who did you study with at the conservatory? Tikhonov? I'll ask him if he teaches to sit.
Liquid mirage.
I'll put in two.
Alts! Then the moment of your giftedness comes into force.

Lena, what difference does it make, up or down?!
The flight of a very large bumblebee!
Not like the elephants in Saint Sense...
What do you care about someone falling down?
The fake is very sluggish!
Play like 14 blind kittens!
Half of the orchestra plays with you, half with me, and a third with the soloist...
I can't see the piano's eye!
We must control the right hands!
Play either with me or with the soloist!
Try to understand that I'm conducting...
This is a monumental image. You need to wiggle your eyebrows.
Frail and rotten like a bucket of crescendo.
(To piccolo flute) With such an instrument for the whole orchestra!
Is crescendo really such a virtuoso problem, or do you need to inject everyone here?
The tree tumbles very beautifully here.
Oh what a rhythm! Gypsies!
The conductor is not the person who shows the introduction.
All brass bassoons.
You are either sick people, or I don’t know who!
Yesterday, during pauses, the instruments were held suspiciously.
Moors! Very large!
It is necessary to take this note very firmly, even if it is very out of tune!
Blue! Are you sitting with your back to me?! Here you go into my office, and I will turn my back on you, and do with me what you want!
Learn to handle notes. This is your bread.
It gives the impression that we are counting, and this results in accelerando.
What a vulgar crescendo.
This topic needs to be covered!
Get off your fortissimo! Go wash up!
Manicure on the neck!
I kindly ask no one to play if you are not playing espressivo!
What are you roaring for? There is a special orchestra in the small hall for this!
There is an incident in bar 3.
Pad-dat-tir-pap-feast. Tour-dur-tur-dur.
Here the bows do not fall! Costs!
The horns attack from behind!
Glory to Soviet clarinets!!!
You must have the character of a timpani player.
You are deep behind! However, as you like.
Why is there no secco in the orchestra, but loose slits?
Here it is necessary, as in the theater, to bring everything to the extreme.

Whoever hears the celesta, an incentive prize is the smile of the orchestra conductor.
This is where complications come in.
What are you doing at the block? At that age!
Now I have disturbed you so much that you do not understand anything at all!
Those who are now groping are low. Feel higher!
Skids, diarrhea nowhere in the world are considered a reason for being late for a rehearsal.
Bear tail.
Move your left hand so that everyone thinks that you are alive.
Main advice this part? Practice restraint!

Here the theme of the horn begins to creep.
Horns! You are delayed at beat 4.
Tempo I means behind the pace!
As the guitarist expands.
Dyadyura already owes me three rubles.
The rest crawl near the stand.
There will be a caesura so as not to get into trouble.
I don't see love in the eyes for this concert!
Let's not give!
No need to hold the soloist by the tail!

Only three rehearsals left to shame!
The bassoons have not yet been taken into the mouth, but the trombones have already finished!
I say pipes! And they, look, hugging, kissing.
A note under a dot means that you need to do something with it.
I will tell you now what notes are here - you will be very surprised.
There the devil knows what is written in the score! The copyist is a terrible shit man.
This is not a symphony orchestra for you, you can’t hide in the crowd here, you have to play cleanly!
Play not what I demand, but what is written in the notes.
Gypsy fun is overshadowed by an impossible passage of trombones.
It is necessary to play as if you had a little drink and are not in a hurry.
Pretend that you are musicians, and not just assholes with pieces of iron.

In decent orchestras, they don't stare at the conductor!
"On eight" - the same pace, only 2 times faster!
Play airy like a flute in the bushes.
Alts, where are you going? And it would be nice if something decent climbed, otherwise it was F-sharp!
Guys, these are “cuckoo sounds”, and not the approach of enemy aircraft!
All parties are like parties, and the first sopranos are invalids!
And if someone played out of tune, the main thing is to have time to look reproachfully at the neighbor.
Do not drown in your own talent!
I don’t need to spread all these snot with bows here! Wiped the neck and played dry!
Look with one eye at the party, and with two at me!
Number the bars, otherwise the eyes may shift, but the numbers do not!
Come home and practice so that your whole family knows how to play it ...
Why do you always try so hard to play as soon as I start conducting?
Women's choir! Sing along with your brains.
You should have absorbed this work with the teacher's milk!
Mendelssohn must be played without "Mendelsism".
Alts! Let the moment of your giftedness take effect.
We must take this note very firmly, even if it is false!
Get your manicure off the fretboard!
Move your left hand more strongly so that everyone thinks that you are alive.
Tell me, please, is this how you played now after the conservatory? Tomorrow I will go there, strangle the rector and demand that your diploma be taken away from you!
Girls, you have fingers on your hand like Schwarzenegger's on his foot!
People who play false should be jailed on the same basis as counterfeiters.
It would be better if you hit the timpani with your head, it would have turned out louder!
Stop staring at the neckline of the flutist, there are no notes, your part is on the music stand!
Trumpeters, although you sit above the trombones, they, unlike you, are men!
So I'll turn my back on you now, and you guess what I wanted to say!
Well, you have to hate each other so much to play like that!
Why didn’t they explain to you in childhood how the pipe differs from the pioneer bugle?
Shostakovich was not a boxer, but for such a game he would have been resurrected and stuffed your face!
And what fool told you that your place is on stage, and not at a construction site?
For such a solo, I would kiss you, it's a pity you are sitting far away. I'll be waiting for you at 10 am tomorrow in my office.
For some reason, drummers always try to consider themselves the most important in the orchestra! Remember: the chief in the orchestra is the director, the second is me, and you are in the first hundred!
At me such impression, that at pipes - obstruction. Consult a gynecologist!
If you play the first number like that again, I will kill you all in turn, bury you, serve time, and then I will recruit a new orchestra!
You, my dear, have such an expression on your face, as if, except for the cello, you have never held anything between your legs in your life!
Are you afraid to go to the second branch? Say thank you that intellectuals go to the conservatory. Otherwise, the proletarians would have risen from their seats and beat all of you in the face for such a game!
No need to torment the harp like that and confuse it with a drunken husband!
Play pianissimo like I'm dead!
I know that you all hate me. Now think about how I should treat you?
I have no place with you in the same music!
Second trombone, I want to wish you that this is how they play at your funeral!
What kind of New Orleans are you setting up here? What, did you have blacks in your family?
If you think that a symphony orchestra differs from a tavern only in that it has more labukhs, you are greatly mistaken!
From yourself try to blow! I have the impression that you are still in music school did not explain the direction of air flow in the mouthpiece!
I'm going to ask you to die for these eight bars, don't even breathe!
If it were my will, I would use this wand so that you would have renewed air permeability in the body!
I will ask the scribes to write a bigger game for idiots!
I promise you employment in the underground passage, and I will personally agree with the cops and bandits so that they do not touch you. But I can't vouch for passers-by.
Instead of a saxophone, you would have a Druzhba chainsaw in your hands. The sound is the same, but more money!
You are very beautiful Strong arms. Put down the instrument and strangle yourself with them, don't mock the music!
Come home, give my condolences to your wife. How can you sleep with such an unrhythmic person?
You play all this so familiarly, as if you personally drank with Prokofiev!
Tell me, are you not ashamed? It would be better if you spoiled the air than this beautiful place in the adagio!
I stop all ceremonies and today I will begin to teach you to love, if not me, then at least music!
After each such concert, you should go to church and ask God for forgiveness. And don't forget to donate to the temple.

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website remembers the phrases of the conductors symphony orchestras from the Moscow conservatives through Alexei Nasretdinov.

It would be a mistake to think that ideal people play in symphony orchestras.

Conductors of symphony orchestras, swearing at clumsy orchestra members, anneal no worse than army ranks. Even better. Because they do it subtly, gracefully and very intelligently.

1. Only three rehearsals left to shame!
2. The bassoons have not yet been taken into the mouth, but the trombones have already finished!
3. I say pipes! And they, look, embrace, kiss.
4. Shostakovich has many notes, and they change all the time.
5. What does not coincide with the text of the overture - see for yourself with your fingers.
6. A note under a dot means that you need to do something with it.
7. I will tell you now what notes are here - you will be very surprised.
8. There the devil knows what is written in the score! The copyist is a terrible shit man.
9. This is not a symphony orchestra for you, you can’t hide in the crowd here, you have to play cleanly!
10. Play not what I demand, but what is written in the notes.
11. Gypsy fun is overshadowed by an impossible passage of trombones.
12. It is necessary to play as if you had a little drink and are not in a hurry.
13. Pretend that you are musicians, not just assholes with pieces of iron.
14. In decent orchestras, they don't stare at the conductor!
15. "On eight" - the same pace, only twice as fast!
16. Play airy like a flute in the bushes.
17. Alts, where are you going? And it would be nice if something decent climbed, otherwise it was F-sharp!
18. Guys, these are "cuckoo sounds", and not the approach of enemy aircraft!
19. All parts are like parties, and the first sopranos are invalids!
20. And, if someone played out of tune, the main thing is to have time to look reproachfully at a neighbor.
21. Do not drown in your own talent!
22. I don’t need to spread all these snot with bows here! Wiped the neck and played dry!
23. Look with one eye at the party, and with two at me!
24. Number the bars, otherwise the eyes may shift, but the numbers do not!
25. At home, come and practice so that your whole family knows how to play it ...
26. Why do you always try so hard to play as soon as I start conducting?
27. Women's choir! Sing along with your brains.

You should have absorbed this work with the teacher's milk.

Alts! Let the moment of your giftedness take effect.

28. We must take this note very firmly, even if it is false!
29. Get your manicure off the fretboard!
30. Move your left hand more strongly so that everyone thinks that you are alive.
31. Your pupils have dilated! Shrink your pupils, play on a small pupil - the state of the music depends on the state of your pupil!
32. Tell me, please, is this how you played now after the conservatory?! Tomorrow I will go there, strangle the rector and demand that your diploma be taken away from you!
33. Girls, you have fingers on your hand like Schwarzenegger's on his foot!
34. People who play false should be jailed on the same basis as counterfeiters.
35. It would be better if you hit the timpani with your head, it would have turned out louder!
36. Stop staring at the neckline of the flutist, there are no notes, your part is on the music stand!
37. Trumpeters, although you sit above the trombones, they, unlike you, are men!
38. So I'll turn my back on you now, and you guess what I wanted to say!
39. Well, you have to hate each other so much to play like that!
40. Why didn’t they explain to you in childhood how the pipe differs from the pioneer bugle?
41. Shostakovich was not a boxer, but for such a game he would have been resurrected and stuffed your face!
42. And what fool told you that your place is on stage, and not at a construction site?
43. Bassoon, excuse me, what place did you make sounds now?
44. For such a solo, I would kiss you, sorry, you are sitting far away. I'll be waiting for you at 10 am tomorrow in my office.
45. For some reason, drummers always try to consider themselves the most important in the orchestra! Remember: the chief in the orchestra is the director, the second is me, and you are in the first hundred!
46. At me such impression, that at pipes - obstruction. Consult a gynecologist!
47. If you play the first number like that again, I will kill you all in turn, bury you, serve time, and then I will recruit a new orchestra!
48. You, my dear, have such an expression on your face, as if, except for the cello, you have never held anything between your legs in your life!
49. Are you afraid to go to the second branch? Say thank you that intellectuals go to the conservatory. Otherwise, the proletarians would have risen from their seats and beat all of you in the face for such a game!
50. No need to torment the harp like that and confuse it with a drunken husband.
51. Play pianissimo like I'm dead!
52. I know that you all hate me. Now think about how I should treat you?
53. I have no place with you in the same music!
54. Second trombone, I want to wish you that this is how they play at your funeral!
55. What kind of New Orleans are you bred here?! What, did you have blacks in your family?
56. If you think that a symphony orchestra differs from a tavern only in that it has more labukhs, you are greatly mistaken!
57. From yourself try to blow! I have the impression that the direction of air flow in the mouthpiece has not been explained to you yet in music school!
58. I'm going to ask you to die for these eight bars, don't even breathe!
59. If it were my will, I would use this wand so that you would have renewed air permeability in the body!
60. I will ask the scribes to write a bigger game for idiots!
61. I promise you employment in the underground passage and personally agree with the cops and bandits so that you are not touched. But I can't vouch for passers-by.
62. Instead of a saxophone, you would have a Friendship chainsaw in your hands. The sound is the same, but more money!
63. You have very beautiful, strong hands. Put down the instrument and strangle yourself with them, don't mock the music!
64. Come home, give my condolences to your wife. How can you sleep with such an unrhythmic person?
65. You play all this so familiarly, as if you personally drank with Prokofiev!
66. Tell me, are you not ashamed? It would be better if you spoiled the air than this beautiful place in the adagio!
67. I stop all ceremonies and from today I will begin to teach you to love, if not me, then at least music!
68. After each such concert, you should go to church and ask God for forgiveness. And don't forget to donate to the temple.

Only three rehearsals left to shame!










After each such concert, you should go to church and ask God for forgiveness. And don't forget to donate to the temple.

I say pipes! And they, look, hugging, kissing.
A note under a dot means that you need to do something with it.
I will tell you now what notes are here - you will be very surprised.
There the devil knows what is written in the score! The copyist is a terrible shit man.
This is not a symphony orchestra for you, you can’t hide in the crowd here, you have to play cleanly!
Play not what I demand, but what is written in the notes.
Gypsy fun is overshadowed by an impossible passage of trombones.
It is necessary to play as if you had a little drink and are not in a hurry.
Pretend that you are musicians, not just assholes with pieces of iron.
In decent orchestras, they don't stare at the conductor!
"Eight" - the same pace, only 2 times faster!
Play airy like a flute in the bushes.
Alts, where are you going? And it would be nice if something decent climbed, otherwise it was F-sharp!
Guys, these are “cuckoo sounds”, and not the approach of enemy aircraft!
All parts are like parties, and the first sopranos are invalids!
And if someone played out of tune, the main thing is to have time to look reproachfully at the neighbor.
Do not drown in your own talent!
I don’t need to spread all these snot with bows here! Wiped the neck and played dry!
Look with one eye at the party, and with two at me!
Number the bars, otherwise the eyes may shift, but the numbers do not!
Come home and practice so that your whole family knows how to play it ...
Why do you always try so hard to play as soon as I start conducting?
Women's choir! Sing along with your brains.
You should have absorbed this work with the teacher's milk!
Mendelssohn must be played without "Mendelsism".
Alts! Let the moment of your giftedness take effect.
We must take this note very firmly, even if it is false!
Get your manicure off the fretboard!
Move your left hand more strongly so that everyone thinks that you are alive.
Tell me, please, is this how you played now after the conservatory? Tomorrow I will go there, strangle the rector and demand that your diploma be taken away from you!
Girls, you have fingers on your hand like Schwarzenegger's on his foot!
People who play false should be jailed on the same basis as counterfeiters.
It would be better if you hit the timpani with your head, it would have turned out louder!
Stop staring at the neckline of the flutist, there are no notes, your part is on the music stand!
Trumpeters, although you sit above the trombones, they, unlike you, are men!
So I'll turn my back on you now, and you guess what I wanted to say!
Well, you have to hate each other so much to play like that!
Why didn’t they explain to you in childhood how the pipe differs from the pioneer bugle?
Shostakovich was not a boxer, but for such a game he would have been resurrected and stuffed your face!
And what fool told you that your place is on stage, and not at a construction site?
For such a solo, I would kiss you, it's a pity you are sitting far away. I'll be waiting for you at 10 am tomorrow in my office.
For some reason, drummers always try to consider themselves the most important in the orchestra! Remember: the chief in the orchestra is the director, the second is me, and you are in the first hundred!
I have the impression that the pipes have an obstruction. Consult a gynecologist!
If you play the first number like that again, I will kill you all in turn, bury you, serve time, and then I will recruit a new orchestra!
You, my dear, have such an expression on your face, as if, except for the cello, you have never held anything between your legs in your life!
Are you afraid to go to the second branch? Say thank you that intellectuals go to the conservatory. Otherwise, the proletarians would have risen from their seats and beat all of you in the face for such a game!
No need to torment the harp like that and confuse it with a drunken husband!
Play pianissimo like I'm dead!
I know that you all hate me. Now think about how I should treat you?
I have no place with you in the same music!
Second trombone, I want to wish you that this is how they play at your funeral!
What kind of New Orleans are you setting up here? What, did you have blacks in your family?
If you think that a symphony orchestra differs from a tavern only in that it has more labukhs, you are greatly mistaken!
From yourself try to blow! I have the impression that the direction of air flow in the mouthpiece has not been explained to you yet in music school!
I'm going to ask you to die for these eight bars, don't even breathe!
If it were my will, I would use this wand so that you would have renewed air permeability in the body!
I will ask the scribes to write a bigger game for idiots!
I promise you employment in the underground passage, and I will personally agree with the cops and bandits so that they do not touch you. But I can't vouch for passers-by.
Instead of a saxophone, you would have a Druzhba chainsaw in your hands. The sound is the same, but more money!
You have very beautiful, strong hands. Put down the instrument and strangle yourself with them, don't mock the music!
Come home, give my condolences to your wife. How can you sleep with such an unrhythmic person?
You play all this so familiarly, as if you personally drank with Prokofiev!
Tell me, are you not ashamed? It would be better if you spoiled the air than this beautiful place in the adagio!
I stop all ceremonies and from today I will begin to teach you to love, if not me, then at least music!
After each such concert, you should go to church and ask God for forgiveness. And don't forget to donate to the temple

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Pearls.ru represent conductors' pearls orchestras issued by them during rehearsals and carefully recorded by musicians. In this collection, wonderful funny sayings conductors, which were collected by Alena's Mom from the SibMama forum. Anyone who has even a little deal with music will get an unforgettable pleasure!

1. 5 rehearsals left to shame!

2. The bassoons have not yet been taken into the mouth, but the trombones have already finished!

3. I'm talking pipes! And they hug, kiss, sit.

4. There are many notes in Shostakovich and they change all the time.

5. We all understand what "rr" is - this is tenderness, brought to the limit, as to your child ...

6. What does not coincide with the text of the overture - look with your fingers.

7. A note under a dot means you need to do something with it.

8. I will now tell you what notes are here - you will be very surprised.

9. There the devil knows what is written in the score. Scribe - scary man.

10. This is not a symphony orchestra, you have to play clean!

11. Play not what I demand, but what is written in the notes.

12. Gypsy fun is overshadowed by an impossible passage of trombones.

13. It is necessary to play as if you have accepted a little and do not rush anywhere.

14. Pretend you're musicians, not just drummers.

15. Alts, where are you climbing?! And it would be nice if something decent climbed, otherwise it was F-sharp ...

16. Guys, these are “cuckoo sounds”, and not the approach of enemy aircraft!

17. All parts are like parties, and the first sopranos are disabled!

18. Women's choir! Sing along with your brains.

19. Tenora, why did you take the sound with a bubble?! ..

20. In decent orchestras, they don't stare at the conductor!

21. At eight the same pace, only 2 times faster!

22. Airy, like a flute in the bushes.

23. Play with your ears here!

24. You should have absorbed this work with the teacher's milk!

25. Mendelssohn must be played without "Mendelsism".

27. It is necessary to take this note very firmly, even if it is very out of tune!

28. Get your manicure off the fretboard!

29. Move your left hand so that everyone thinks that you are alive.

30. They sit, waiting for the game to be put in their mouths ...

31. Your pupils have dilated! Reduce your pupils, play on a small pupil, the state of the music depends on the state of your pupil!

32. Girls, you have fingers on your hand like Schwarzenegger's on his foot!

33. And if someone played out of tune, the main thing is to have time to look reproachfully at a neighbor.

34. Do not drown in your own talent!

35. I don’t need to breed all these snot with bows here! We wiped the neck and played dry!.. (from the statements of V. Dudarova).

36. Look with one eye at the game, and with two - at me!!!

37. Number the bars, otherwise the eyes may shift, but the numbers do not!

38. Come home and study, so that your whole apartment knows how to play it ...

39. Why do you always try so hard to play as soon as I start conducting? (From the book "The Sayings of the Conductor of the Philadelphia Orchestra Eugene Ormandy 1899-1985").download dle 10.6 movies for free

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