Intimacy after childbirth. How to return to sex after giving birth

The birth of a child, especially the first child, brings its own changes to the way of all aspects of family life. The sexual side is no exception. Sexual life after childbirth has acquired many myths, often mutually exclusive. Some argue that only after the birth they discovered new unprecedented sensations, others - that the sexual life after the birth completely stopped.

Sexologists from the Netherlands conducted a study among young mothers of first-born children. As a result, they found that the quality of sex deteriorates only in the first year after the birth of a child, but later it becomes the same as before childbirth. 60% of young mothers rated their sex life as full three months after giving birth, 80% six months later and 94% a year after giving birth. In addition, a clear relationship was found between when women stopped having sex before giving birth and when they resumed it after giving birth. Those women who stopped having sex before the 12th week of pregnancy were 11 times more likely to not resume their sexual life a year after the baby was born.

Sex after childbirth - when is it possible?

From the point of view of obstetricians and gynecologists, it is 6-8 weeks after childbirth that are considered the optimal time to abstain from traditional sexual intercourse. However, everything is purely individual. Some women who feel great after childbirth resume sexual relations earlier than the prescribed six weeks. In order to make sure that the resumption of sexual contacts will not be harmful, a woman needs to see a gynecologist before they start. Usually, a scheduled examination after childbirth is prescribed exactly one month later. If during the examination the doctor sees that all organs have returned to the pre-pregnancy norm and the postpartum changes have ended, then he can give the go-ahead for sexual activity immediately after the examination or (in another case) recommend further abstinence and control examination after 2-4 weeks.

Why not earlier?

Ban on sex in the first weeks after childbirth associated with two main reasons.
First, tissues damaged during childbirth (for example, the site of attachment of the placenta) immediately after childbirth are almost an open wound. During sexual intercourse, bleeding from vessels damaged by childbirth may resume.

Secondly, the genital tract of a woman after childbirth is especially susceptible to all kinds of infections, the entry of which is possible during sexual intercourse. Infection of the uterus can cause its inflammation - endometritis, one of the most severe postpartum complications.

If natural childbirth proceeded normally and was not accompanied by any complications or medical intervention, the uterus reaches its previous size by the end of the 6th week after childbirth. During this time, the uterus contracts, and the integrity of the tissues is restored.

After operative delivery (caesarean section, curettage of the uterine cavity after childbirth), this period can drag on up to 8 weeks, and sometimes even longer (2-3 months). In this case, the duration of sexual abstinence should be increased by as much as is required for the complete healing of the woman's birth canal. In this case, the timing of the resumption of sexual intercourse will be determined by the attending gynecologist. Especially often, such a delay in the period of sexual abstinence is associated with suturing after ruptures of the soft tissues of the birth canal or episiotomy.

Problems and ways to solve them

And now the long-awaited permission has been received and it seems that all the difficulties are behind us. However, many couples face unusual problems in the first months after childbirth.

Problem 1: "I don't want to!"

After all the difficulties and excitement of pregnancy, a new mother experiences completely different feelings. All her thoughts revolve around caring for the baby. That's how nature designed it. As long as the baby cannot do without maternal care, the instinct of procreation, which feeds female sexuality, sleeps as unnecessary. In addition, chronic fatigue and lack of sleep awaken the instinct of self-preservation, which prefers an extra hour of sleep to carnal entertainment.

It often seems to a woman that her state of constant anxiety for the baby cannot (do not want) to be shared by her relatives and, first of all, her husband. Then a man's call for sex can be perceived almost with resentment. A feeling of loneliness, isolation is formed, which can develop into depression (by the way, a lack of interest in sex is sometimes a sign of postpartum depression). Many psychologists, based on many years of observation, conclude that the sooner a couple after childbirth can return to normal sexual activity, the more chances they have for a harmonious relationship in the future.

Therefore, it is still necessary to try to quickly establish sexual relations, even if your love actions in the first months after childbirth do not include traditional sexual intercourse. Try to maintain physical love, do not exclude each other from the sphere of your interests. It is simply necessary to say tender words to each other every day, to embrace each other. It is not necessary to leave time for sex at night or in the evening, when the spouses no longer have any strength. You can have sex in the morning or during the baby's daytime sleep, when the husband suddenly breaks out of work at lunchtime. Do not poison family relationships with statements like "I carry all the worries about the child, I don't need sex." You should not give up intimate relationships due to unresolved family conflicts or deny your spouse intimacy because "he did not go for a walk with the child."

Remind yourself of the best episodes of your intimate life. As soon as the opportunity arises, persuade, under a plausible pretext, someone close to take a walk for a couple of hours with a child, and at this time arrange a secret date with your own husband. The pleasant stress of a little deceit will provoke new, and most likely, well-forgotten old sensations. Most importantly, remember that sex is not a service to a partner, but what you need, and tune in to extract only positive emotions from it.

Problem 2: "He can't like me!"

Dissatisfaction with herself, her figure, the size of her breasts (which can increase several sizes during feeding) can lead a woman to the idea that she is no longer attractive to her husband. And well-groomed childless girlfriends bring complete confusion into the souls of young mothers.

Let your partner decide how attractive you are, and if he lusts for you, then you are in vain presenting yourself as exclusively a “breast milk bank”. Remember that the king is made by his retinue. Sacrifice one walk and dedicate a couple of hours to your appearance. Put on beautiful underwear that is not at all suitable for breastfeeding, but hides figure flaws. In the bra, you can put absorbent pads (so that the escaping milk does not interfere). Look in the mirror - a young mother, "Madonna", has always been the epitome of feminine beauty.

You can arrange a romantic dinner, take a bath with your loved one, watch some beautiful erotic film together - this will help both to relax and feel desire again.

Of course, you should not go to the other extreme, consoling yourself with the fact that the husband "wanted a child, so let anyone have the same tender feelings for me." Remember that your current figure is a side effect of pregnancy and childbirth, an inevitable but temporary phenomenon. Try to find time for gymnastics, do not get carried away with sweets, and gradually your seductive forms will be outlined again.

Problem 3: "Like the first time!"

Most women experience pain during intercourse after childbirth. Indeed, the first few times after childbirth, sex for many women is painful, and the duration of these painful sensations cannot be determined in advance. Discomfort can be caused by many reasons. For example, if as a result of ruptures or episiotomy, the nerve endings in the perineum are damaged, of which there are a lot. Even after complete healing, the skin and vaginal mucosa in the suture area is very sensitive to pressure. In addition, a scar on the soft tissues of the perineum does not contribute to its extensibility during intercourse, and the subconscious resistance of a woman adds discomfort even in those positions that were previously completely painless and pleasant for a woman.

Most often, the soreness goes away on its own as the sensitivity of the nerves adapts to new conditions. Feel free to tell your partner how you feel, including your fears. Never do your husband a favor if you experience pain during sex.

Sex after childbirth should start slowly, at first give each other intimate caresses, excluding sex with penetration. Before contact, a woman needs to relax as much as possible and try positions that are most comfortable. After perineal injuries, the “woman on top” or lying on your side position is preferable, since in these positions you have the opportunity to control the degree of penetration and regulate the pressure on the perineal area yourself.

Full sexual intercourse can be replaced by oral sex or active petting (imitation of sexual intercourse). In the latter case, after foreplay, the partners rub against each other's genitals with their genitals, while making hip movements that imitate sexual intercourse. In the process of petting, the partner may give consent to the penetration attempt, but the partner must be ready to return to petting at any time or completely interrupt the sexual intercourse. You will most likely encounter this more than once, so discuss this possibility in advance. If this happens, then try to eliminate tension with the help of jokes and make an attempt to start over. Do not forget about contraception, because when petting, part of the sperm can get into the partner's vagina.

Only in very rare cases, pain during sexual intercourse is associated with serious violations of the anatomy of the vagina that occurred after surgery during childbirth. In this case, reconstructive surgery may help.

Problem 4: "We are so different!"

After childbirth, the anatomical ratio of the genital organs of a man and a woman also changes. This is due to the fact that during childbirth, the vagina expanded very much in order to pass the baby through the birth canal, therefore, during the first few months after childbirth, it remains in a relaxed state.
A man may not feel the full girth of the penis, and a woman may not feel the presence of the penis inside. You need to understand that this condition is temporary, and it should not be a cause for concern. Strengthen the sensations during intercourse will help various postures in which the woman's hips are tightly compressed.

And Kegel exercises will help to quickly restore tissue elasticity to increase the tone of the muscles of the perineum and the entire genital area. Dr. Kegel invented these exercises to treat urinary incontinence in women who have given birth and older women. It is easier for women to feel which muscles need to be trained when urinating, if you try to arbitrarily stop urination, you can immediately feel the contraction of these muscles. When it becomes clear what muscle contraction looks like, you need to repeat these contractions in a comfortable position, gradually increasing up to 50 times per approach. It is better to repeat approaches 2-3 times a day at any time and in different positions.

By the way, if you perform these exercises during pregnancy, you can significantly reduce the risk of perineal injury and reduce the recovery time for muscle tone by several times.

Problem 5: "Dry!"

Almost all women, regardless of how the birth proceeded, in the postpartum period, there is a lack of the main female hormones - estrogens. One of the manifestations of estrogen deficiency is the dryness of the vaginal mucosa, which also causes significant inconvenience during sexual intercourse.

To eliminate this temporary shortage, artificial substitutes for natural lubrication, the so-called lubricants, are special means for moisturizing. Available in the form of gels and creams. You can buy lubricants in pharmacies, supermarkets, cosmetic stores and specialized sex shops. Pay attention to the composition of lubricants: choose without dyes, flavors, hormones and other additives. In addition to moisturizing, lubricants help soften scars in the area of ​​\u200b\u200bthe seams. Especially for softening scars, you can use ointments used to treat keloid scars ("Solcoseryl", "Contratubex"). However, they can be used, unlike lubricants, only with the approval of a doctor!

Problem 6: "I'm afraid of pregnancy!"

Without waiting for surprises, start taking care of it right away, from the very first sexual intercourse. According to doctors, the minimum interval between births is two years, and the optimal one is from two and a half to three and a half years. Too short an interval between births can lead to a complicated pregnancy and the birth of a premature baby. A new pregnancy will prevent the baby from breastfeeding.

When choosing contraceptives, it must be borne in mind that contraception should not affect the quality and quantity of breast milk. It's nice that in this matter any nursing mother has a choice.

If a woman giving birth went through childbirth without incisions, ruptures and cracks in the soft tissues of the birth canal, then even in this case, gynecologists believe that it is still necessary to refrain from making love, at least for a month and a half.

This is due, firstly, to the timing of the closure of the cervical canal in order to prevent the risk of infection, and in addition to the contraction of the uterus, the period of psychological adaptation to a new life, as well as the general condition of the woman;

Timing, of course, can and should be clarified with your doctor. He will assess the condition of your reproductive organs and, if they are in good condition, will give the green light. If there were complications in the form of incisions or ruptures, then the period when can i make love after giving birth depends on the healing time of wounds or sutures.

Naturally, nature takes its course and there are numerous deviations from the periods of abstinence that have been recommended.

Why do women want to quickly start having sex after giving birth?

One of the reasons for an earlier onset of sexual activity is often the desire of a woman to quickly return to her usual life, which favors her high self-esteem and self-affirmation.

In addition, a woman’s psycho-emotional upsurge, a joyful mood and excellent general well-being are also important, and one should not discount the woman’s desire to please an impatient partner, who has undergone long-term abstinence during pregnancy due to medical necessity and increased excitability, libido and sensitivity in women.

Postponing sexual activity after childbirth

There are also opposite cases when the onset of sexual activity is delayed, and this may be due to fatigue and fear of pain in a woman, fears of changes in the vagina that the partner may not like, the woman's full employment with a child, the isolation of a woman's emotional experiences and their emphasis on motherhood, domestic difficulties, a sharp change in the daily routine, the poor health of a woman, as well as stress, or the health of a child.

In sexual life after childbirth, physiological problems may also arise. which will also need to be addressed.

For example, increased dryness of the vagina is possible. To overcome this trouble, a longer foreplay and gentle efforts from the partner and acceptable conditions for intimate games are needed, in which partners remain alone for some guaranteed time. Finally, you can simplify everything with the help of lubricants (without chemical additives), which can be used as olive oil.

If the vagina is too dilated, regular Kegel exercises, the right choice of postures, and help with the process with fingers folded in a ring will help.

To prevent infection, which is highly undesirable after childbirth, before the act, the man must wash the penis with the foreskin pushed back with a solution of furacilin, before oral sex, he must rinse his mouth with an antiseptic, his hands and nails must be clean. If the act nevertheless occurred with a violation of the rules of hygiene, douching with a solution of chamomile is necessary.

It is very important that a woman during this period has a permanent sexual partner, without connections on the side.

After the birth of a baby, a young mother has a lot of worries: feeding the baby, caring for her and herself, while no one has canceled household chores! She continues to cook, wash, clean and be a wife. After childbirth, a woman needs support, tenderness and affection, and after some time, the spouses come to a common decision to continue their sexual life. But, unfortunately, not everything is so simple in the intimate relationships of a man and a woman after the birth of a baby.

Reasons for not having sex immediately after giving birth

Each birth is purely individual. From the weight of the child, its location, the condition of the woman, the medical staff depends on how well the process of the baby's arrival in this world will go. Sexual life after childbirth is possible with the well-being of a young mother.

There are several things that make intimate relationships difficult or impossible.

1. Physiological reasons. After childbirth, a woman's hormonal background changes, so libido may disappear, and vaginal dryness may occur. Also, sexual life after childbirth can fail due to weakened muscle tension in a woman. As a result, she does not get proper pleasure.
2. medical reasons. Difficult natural childbirth or caesarean section entails the emergence of fear of pain in a young mother. If the stitches have not healed, then you should wait a bit with sex, otherwise the woman's sex life after childbirth will turn into a nightmare.
3. psychological reasons. Fear of getting pregnant again, being unattractive to a husband (especially after partner childbirth), waking up a child, not experiencing pleasure - all this comes from the psychological state of a woman after childbirth.

The beginning of sexual activity after natural childbirth

Natural childbirth is a process in which a woman herself helps the baby to come into the world. This does not require surgery.

After such a process, every woman has a cleansing of the body. At this time, she has spotting according to the type of menstruation, the uterus gradually returns to its previous appearance. Also, a young mother may notice that she has become more feminine, has acquired rounded shapes of her breasts and buttocks. Naturally, such changes will not go unnoticed by the husband. He, like a normal man, has a desire and desire for his woman. Therefore, the spouses ask themselves the question: "Sexual life after childbirth: when can I start and will it be complete?" Doctors note that after natural childbirth, if there are no contraindications, you can have sex after 4-5 weeks. But there are many reasons why these dates are significantly shifted. We will consider them below.

Sex after caesarean

Sexual life after childbirth in the first month is strictly prohibited for women who gave birth by caesarean section. Yes, and in the second month it is difficult, because sex involves the tension of some muscles, their work. And this can lead to divergence of the seams and severe pain. It should be borne in mind that it takes time to restore the uterine mucosa, the sutures on it. In the case of surgical intervention during childbirth, it is important for spouses to know how long it will be safe to have sex after childbirth. Gynecologists advise starting it no earlier than 1.5 - 2 months after the operation. For your own peace of mind, before continuing an intimate life, you need to go for a consultation and examination with a doctor. After all, the seam on the skin heals faster than on the uterus.

Lack of sexual desire: psychological aspects

After the birth of a child, young spouses may experience fear before starting a sexual life. This can also be facilitated by the peculiarities of the psyche of the woman who gave birth and the man who was present at the birth.

The lack of desire to have sex after childbirth may be due to some psychological reasons. Although sexual life after natural childbirth may begin earlier, there is no guarantee that a woman is psychologically ready for it. The fair sex always wants to look beautiful. It's no secret that pregnancy can end in extra pounds. On this basis, plus post-natal psychosis, various complexes can appear: about appearance, inconsistency with the expectations of a man in sex, fear of the influence of sexual life on milk production. If the husband was present at the birth, the wife for some reason thinks that he will cool off for her. All these complexes are common myths if the spouses have strong family relationships. The birth of a child only strengthens them, although the man saw the suffering of the woman, although she changed a little. Sincerity in relationships, agreement and trust are important for starting a sexual life after childbirth. Then there will be no reason to deny yourself pleasure.

What could be the physiological reasons for the long absence of sex?

These factors include complications after childbirth and lack of desire, which is expressed at the physiological level.

Sexual life after childbirth can be complicated by such medical reasons as stitching stitches, their long healing. You just need to be patient and wait for a favorable time for an intimate relationship.

Another reason, no less important for spouses, is the dryness of the vagina and its expansion after childbirth. As a result, sexual intercourse does not bring pleasure to a woman and a man. Vaginal dryness is caused by the hormonal background of the body of a young mother; lubricants can be used to solve this problem. Another possible problem is the low tone of the muscles of the vagina, which prevents it from returning to its original shape. As a result, a woman does not have the opportunity to experience an orgasm, and a man does not experience the same pleasure as before. Naturally, who would like such a sex life after childbirth? Reviews of young mothers indicate that only after 8-12 months they were able to feel like a female lioness in intimacy with their spouse. We see that you just need to be patient, and then sex life will return to normal.

The Third Extra, or Fear of Sex Because of a Child

Another reason for the lack of sexual desire in a woman is the feeling of a third superfluous in the room - a child. She constantly twitches when he grunts, worries that he will wake up at the wrong time, and so on. To do this, you need to plan the time and arrange a romantic dinner, being sure that the child is sleeping. A simple solution to this problem is to move to another room during intimacy.

Contraception after childbirth

Many couples think in advance about how a woman does not get pregnant again. There is an opinion that with constant breastfeeding until the onset of menstruation, spouses can not be protected. But this is not a 100% method of contraception. Every woman has a different hormonal background. And if one after childbirth can become pregnant only after a year, then the other - after a month. There are many methods of contraception, some can be used immediately after the birth of the baby, others cannot. If you do not know which methods of protection against unwanted pregnancy to use, then you need to contact a competent specialist.

When is a specialist consultation necessary?

We looked at the main reasons why sex after childbirth may not bring any pleasure. In the case of slight deviations from the norm of physical and psychological health, with the support of the husband, these problems are easily solved. But if a married couple is not able to cope with them on their own, then one should not neglect the advice of such specialists as a gynecologist, psychologist, sexologist. Then sex life after childbirth will acquire a new taste for husband and wife.

Flowers, congratulations, a small sniffling lump in her arms, her husband’s happy eyes and his gentle whisper in his ear: “I love you very much, I want you so much, and in general, I miss you terribly.” Feeling dizzy with happiness like on a first date. It spins, it spins, but the doctor said that it’s impossible to do it early, and it’s scary for me, and different questions come to my head:

Let's stop the "dizziness from success" and calmly, in order, we will analyze all the nuances: why it is impossible to have sex after childbirth in the coming days and how long you need to wait.

So after all, how long after giving birth can you have sex?

They say that pregnancy is not a disease. But even normal, uncomplicated childbirth can be compared to a surgical operation. Let you not put any stitches and do not have a caesarean section. In the uterus after the separation of the placenta, in fact, an open wound remains, into which any infection can get if you start having sex within a month after giving birth. And this is fraught with a serious inflammatory process.

If you still did a caesarean, or you are a little “torn” and there are several stitches, then they also need to be given time to heal. Any tension during sex can cause the seams to come apart.

Therefore, when asked whether it is possible to have sex after childbirth and after what time, doctors answer unambiguously. It doesn't matter how the birth went: normal, with small tears, or a caesarean section was done - "access to the body" can only be allowed after 4-6 weeks. And the uterus will return to its previous state, and the place where the placenta was attached will heal, and all the sutures will heal normally. And still it is necessary to focus on the presence of natural postpartum discharge. If enough time has passed, and they are still there, be sure to go to the doctor. Make sure everything is fine. That's when it will be possible to sleep with her husband to mutual pleasure.

How to speed up the healing process and return to a fulfilling sex life after childbirth

“Back” to our husband, we expect that the sensations of sex will be as sparkling as before. But usually the sensitivity of your intimate points and places decreases - and this is normal. And when will she be back? And suddenly - never? Don't be afraid and don't panic. Set aside time for special exercises that both contribute to the healing of “combat” wounds and train the necessary muscles.

When will it be possible to experience the same sensations of sex after childbirth? A good orgasm is possible only with the elastic muscles of the vagina. Therefore, they need constant training. These exercises, to the delight of us women, were invented by the gynecologist Arnold Kegel. To increase sexual tone and improve the sensations of sex.

What exactly needs to be done: slowly squeeze the muscles of the vagina, strain and relax every 3 seconds. Start regular workouts with 10 contractions and relaxations 5 times a day. After a week, the number of compressions can be increased to 15, exercising the same number of times a day. After another week, bring it up to 20 compressions, and so on until the number reaches 30. And by the time intimate life after childbirth becomes possible, you will get an amazing effect. If you like it, you can continue such activities daily or at least every other day. Train your love muscles everywhere - sitting, lying down, and even on the way to work. This will be a very useful habit, and sex life after childbirth will improve much faster.

Kegel exercises strengthen the muscles of the pelvic floor and perineum.

Why does it hurt like the first time

First sex, first birth, first sex after pregnancy. All women have pain, and they are caused by different reasons. Either the nerve endings are damaged in the birth process, or the scars on the soft tissues are injured during sex, or the muscles are too weak, or there is simply not enough natural lubrication.

Do not test your patience, give up new poses, better than old ones, but proven by life, which are most comfortable for you. Have sex gently and gently, like the very first time.

In every family, the revival of intimate life takes place in different ways. You can celebrate it with a romantic evening, delicious food, fragrant bath, watching an erotic movie. Relax and let your desires awaken. May your first night of returning to your husband be soft and gentle.

Why HE or SHE is not in a hurry to have sex after giving birth

And the deadlines have already passed, and everything is fine, but in bed you feel like you are on opposite sides of the barricade, and you don’t want to cross this border. The desire to have sexual peace after childbirth is both male and female.

After childbirth, women usually have lower levels of the pleasure hormone, estrogen. Instead, another hormone takes over on duty - the “maternal” one. The little man is still completely helpless, and therefore the mother does not need a second child, there is no need to conceive and bear him, which means that sex after childbirth is still in the background. She thinks only about the baby, and all the pleasures go into the fog-sands.

The subconscious "psychological hormone" - "vindictive" also plays a role. An unconscious desire after a difficult birth - to take revenge on Him for all the suffering that a woman experienced, results in a refusal to have sex with her beloved and desired husband.

The "hormone of fatigue" also extinguishes sexual desire. A house, a child, household chores that all at once fell on a poor woman's head do not at all contribute to romantic sex.

And another "hormone" is doing its dirty work. “I got fat, I have stretch marks on my stomach. My husband will see me and will not be able to love like before. Yes, you calm down! Not nice for good, but good for nice. No need to be afraid. Everything will be fine soon. Have sex at least for his pleasure. He needs it, he missed you a lot, and there were no changes in his body. Soon the passion will return to you. It is possible that with a vengeance.

Why doesn't the husband want to? After all, he must burn with passion. For nine months and the postpartum period, he simply has to miss his beloved well, be sexy and passionate? Yes and no. First, he may feel superfluous and jealous. Secondly, a loving man is simply afraid of hurting his awkward touch, and still feels guilty, because he is healthy and he wants to have an intimate life.

We suggest watching a video on the topic in which an obstetrician-gynecologist talks about when to start having sex after childbirth. What to do if a woman has low libido.

Sex after childbirth for each couple begins at different times and in their own way. But if you love each other, value your relationship, you will overcome any difficulties!

Yuri Prokopenko obstetrician-gynecologist, sexologist, Ph.D.

The baby was born, several weeks pass - and young parents remember that they are not only mom and dad, but also loving spouses. But sometimes anxiety arises: how will the resumption of sexual relations go and will they bring partners the same joy as before?

When to start?

Pregnancy is often accompanied by some decrease in intimate relationships, or even their complete absence. The reasons are different: either the woman has toxicosis or the threat of interruption, then the husband has the feeling that someone is spying on him from the inside, or the fear of harming the expectant mother and future heir. Doctors often recommend abstinence, sometimes mom insists on it.

After childbirth, the family will again be banned from loving relationships for 6 weeks - until all the processes of the postpartum period are over in the woman's body, including the uterus, cervix, and postpartum discharge stop. Otherwise, the risk of inflammation is high.

So the term of abstinence can be long, and its fruits are unclear. Popular rumor ascribes miraculous properties to childbirth: if there was no orgasm before, then after childbirth - right away and forever. For many women, this is true, but not at all for the very first time, but a little later - after all, in fact, a baby in the house creates a situation of constant running around, sleepless nights and unrest. The husband is abandoned, there is not enough time even for a manicure, not to mention the full and proper care of oneself - here sex is rare, and even an orgasm is an exception. Do not fall asleep during love ...

And what - to wait until the baby gets on his feet? Or when will he go to school? Is it hopeless to love each other next to a crib?

Of course, one piece of advice is not given for everyone, but the general rule for those who want to return to intimacy as quickly and as pleasantly as possible is simple - do not wait for better conditions. The future is always portrayed with fantastic possibilities, but living in anticipation without living now is a fatal mistake. Therefore, intimate relationships need to be restored even against the background of workload, childish stirring nearby. Otherwise, with each passing day, abstinence will become more habitual, the spouse will be more and more perceived as a sexless creature, and one's own desires will go underground so that it will not be easy to find them there.

What will change?

You should immediately tune in to the fact that a lot of things will turn out to be completely new, unusual (or well forgotten). The genitals have changed somewhat under the influence of the passage of the head, the sensitivity of the usual erogenous zones is unpredictable - even if they have nothing to do with childbirth. And if there were breaks, incisions, then at first a certain soreness is possible. So get used to your own body again, explore it on your own and with the help of your husband, discover the unexpected and pleasant.

By the way, the appearance of the genitals may not be the same as you remember it. Firstly, you may have forgotten how it looked, because you can’t see behind the stomach, and secondly, indeed, hormonal emissions and the purely physical impact of the baby create a new picture. Immediately after childbirth, the external genitalia will be edematous and, because of this, increased in size. But soon they will become no less exciting than before. Complexes about this are meaningless: nothing will change, and men are still unpredictable - you never know what your loved one will like.

If the mood is constantly lowered, it is best to consult a doctor and restore the old emotions.

For some couples, the postpartum time is sometimes a discovery: it turns out, for example, that, in addition to penetration, there is also a world of caresses that, for some reason, were clearly not used enough. It is caresses, petting that can be the "first signs" of returning sex. After all, those same 6 weeks of the ban only concern penetration into a woman, and everything else will not affect the condition of her uterus, the risk of infection, etc. So it’s not only possible, but also necessary to caress each other - otherwise how can you show your mutual gratitude for a miracle that appeared in the house?

Gymnastics for love

Vaginal exercises can be recommended to almost every woman after childbirth. This gymnastics is also good for accelerating the normalization of the size of the uterus, and for restoring the usual size and former elasticity of intimate places, and for enhancing the sensitivity of familiar and new erogenous zones. The technique of gymnastics is simple and allows you to do it at any time, in any place and in any position. A woman slowly, within 4-5 seconds, reduces (pulls in) the muscles of the anus and vagina. Then 5 seconds holds the muscles in a state of full contraction. And finally, within 4-5 seconds, slowly relaxes the muscles. Rest 5 seconds, then repeat the movement. And so in series of 30 times. Such series are performed during the day with a frequency of 1 time per hour for 2-3 weeks. In addition, pulling movements can be very exciting if done when the husband is already inside ...

More pronounced and faster results will be if, during retraction, you imagine that the muscles, contracting, are scooping up something and pulling it up the spine. Often this "something" is felt as a hot and exciting clot that makes the body tremble with its ghostly movement. Having learned to feel this clot, a woman will be much easier to be excited and experience an orgasm during any kind of sexual exposure. The results of gymnastics may appear immediately or in a few weeks, but they will definitely be.

In addition, it is also useful: during arousal and orgasm, the uterus contracts, so that the restoration of its size, emptying of postpartum blood occurs much faster. Start with acquaintance with yourself, and let your husband be an instrument that you own for a while. After all, the findings during penetration and frictions can be both pleasant and not very pleasant - and you need to have time to instantly change something if it suddenly becomes painful. So the husband, perhaps, will have to admire you, hovering above him in the sky, listening to yourself, giving him the same joy as yourself.

The active behavior of a woman during the restoration of intimate relationships is not necessary, but in many cases it is optimal. Although for some, the husband's activity is the strongest exciting factor, and therefore it is not necessary to break the usual stereotypes so decisively. In most couples, the husband has to be even more active than before: a tired mother will easily prefer sleep to sex, but if she is turned on, she will not refuse intimacy to the newly-born dad. The activity of the husband - gentle, affectionate, on the verge of eroticism and sexuality - excites, but does not force. Couldn't before? Learn, for this now is the time. Touching the breast should be limited only if the spouse is breastfeeding or if she has increased sensitivity after childbirth. Otherwise, caressing the breasts is no different from what it was before pregnancy. Although even here new discoveries are possible - both in regard to the breast itself and in the area of ​​the nipples.

For some couples, postpartum is a time of discovery.

Caresses of intimate areas are also not constrained, if there are no reasonable restrictions in the form of breaks or incisions that occurred during childbirth. Feel free to tell your husband about this feature, do not endure pain - this will not make you feel better. But if the pain when touching the seam lasts for a long time, then it is worth visiting a gynecologist and finding out if everything is in order there, how the wound heals, etc.

It happens that the wife has to restrain the activity of her husband, who cannot wait until the end of the period of abstinence. In this case, it is quite acceptable to replace regular sex with oral sex or petting your husband to orgasm. But even in this case, it is better to distribute caresses equally between partners. By the way, even here there are ample opportunities for searching for something new and interesting, and for both spouses.

Sometimes the forced restriction of sex with caresses has a positive effect on the husband's sexuality. If a man is worried about whether he will have an erection sufficient for intercourse, then his excitement can lead to the disappearance of this very erection. This phenomenon is called the sexual failure expectation syndrome and is considered the most common potency disorder in men. But now, knowing that a wife's orgasm can be achieved even without an erection, only with caresses, a man will allow himself to relax and not worry as much as before. And this automatically improves erection during intimacy. Therefore, a man stops rushing, devotes more time to tenderness, which, of course, has a positive effect on relationships in a couple, sensitivity and arousal of his wife.

Overcoming obstacles

What can interfere with sex in the first year after childbirth? Of course, the child himself. Whether he sleeps in the same room as his parents, or in another bedroom, anyway, the mother is constantly tuned in to his wave and at the slightest sound from the baby loses all desire to study sex, rushes to the child to ... once again make sure that everything is in order.

Take a closer look at your baby - what is his sleep schedule? Some children sleep deeply in the first half an hour or an hour after laying down, others try on for a long time, but after an hour and a half they fall asleep very soundly. This "dead hour" can be used for love. In addition, many new mothers talk about how they can not switch to love, because they always expect what the child will need. So it turns out that nothing has happened yet, and the woman is no longer in a loving mood.

Try not to look into the future, indulge in caresses without looking back at what is still possible: the future will still come by itself, whether you wait for it or not. By the way, remember that in the past you probably had cases when sex proceeded in risky conditions: suddenly someone sees, finds in an "interesting" position ... And nothing - everything happened in spite of interference.

Tune in to the same wave: "I want, and everything else can wait." And you will see that the excitement will be much stronger and more often than when you listen to what has not yet happened, and maybe will not happen.

If before childbirth the main erogenous zones were in the clitoris, now they have become much less sensitive, perhaps they were physically affected by the passage of the baby's head. In such cases, it is necessary to improve blood circulation in the clitoris. To do this, 2-3 times a day for 5-10 minutes, rub Solcoseryl or Venoruton ointment into the clitoral area (sold in a pharmacy without a prescription). An improvement in blood circulation in this area will manifest itself with more and more pleasant sensations, and from a certain moment - with excitement, followed by. Such rubbing can be done not only immediately after childbirth, but after a long time. Only individual intolerance can become a contraindication for the use of these drugs.

How to return desire?

A decrease in desire and arousal after childbirth occurs in two cases: most often due to worries and troubles, eternal workload, lack of help from a husband and other household members. But there may be another option - the presence of a woman postpartum. Moreover, we are not talking about such an obvious development of the disease, when everything around seems gray, and the food is tasteless, like grass. Erased variants of the disease, which in everyday life are indistinguishable from chronic fatigue, as it turned out, are found in almost every tenth woman in labor.

Erased depression differs from simple fatigue in that the colors of the world fade, the feeling of the fullness of life is not restored even after rest (at least half a day), and the future is seen as dark and gloomy, while usually the anticipation of growing up a child causes joy and satisfaction. Appetite is sometimes increased, but there is no saturation, so a woman eats constantly, gaining weight - and complaining about it ... Depression cannot be waited out - it needs to be treated. The psychiatrist deals with this, as well as other mental illnesses. If suddenly the woman herself or her relatives consider that her mood and general condition are entering the area of ​​​​disorder, it is better to play it safe and consult a doctor - this will allow you to get out of the situation faster and easier. Running depression is reflected in sexuality, and in relationships in the family, and in relation to the baby.