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How to get rid of the feeling of self-worthlessness. How to get rid of the feeling

When you fall in love, you immediately begin to make plans for a happy future with your chosen one. But at one fine moment you understand that they are not destined to become a reality. Perhaps he had another, or you simply realized that you could not be together. Letting go of yourself and moving on is not easy, but you can do it. How to do it? In this article you will find helpful tips However, they should not be taken literally.

Steps

Accept your feelings

Find people who know about your feelings. Sometimes it's not easy to find the light at the end of the tunnel when you're unrequited in love, but a lot of people have walked this path before you. Knowing how they managed to survive this can be a good incentive for you to move on and not look back, biting your elbows.
- Ask friends or family members for help. They will help you deal with your problem, and perhaps even if they don't share personal experience, then at least they will be able to give good advice.
- You are not alone in your problem. One has only to look around - and you will find a lot of examples of how people struggle with their feelings. The problem of unrequited love is devoted to many books, films, songs and even stories in the news. Particular attention should be paid to people who were able to overcome themselves and live on, because from their stories you can draw a lot of valuable conclusions for yourself.
Recognize that you are in love. Before dealing with a problem, you need to realize that it exists. Give in to your emotions for a while, feel them with every cell, accept and understand their nature.
- A great way to understand yourself is to put your experiences in writing. Having expressed your emotional upheavals in this way, after a while you will realize that you are ready to leave them in the past. Describe the reasons why you fell in love with this person, and why you did not have a relationship with him. You can do it in an anonymous blog or a password-protected Word document. Or on scraps of paper, which can then be burned.
- Say what you feel out loud. It is not at all necessary to talk about this to anyone, but it is worth voicing the problem out loud, even in private, in order to realize that it really exists, but it can be resolved. You can say something like: "I'm in love with Stas, and I hate myself for these feelings."
Tell your feelings to the person you fell in love with. If you are sure that he is a mature person who understands what you are experiencing, take the time to talk to this person about what is happening to you. The main difficulty lies in the fact that in order to overcome your love, you must first nullify your hopes for a successful romance with this person. If you just try to forget about your unrequited love, you will probably be tormented by thoughts: “What if?”. Talking to the person you love will give you a tiny chance that he will love you back, or else reject your feelings and allow you to move on, realizing and accepting the choice of this person. You will not regret the supposedly missed chance for happiness.
- Don't be too demanding or pushy, just try not to mention the physical side of your feelings, because it has nothing to do with what you would like to know. Just tell him or her that you would like to care for and empathize with this person, and that you need to find out if this is mutual. Also mention that you would like to continue being friends with this person (although you may need time to let go of your feelings), and that you want a frank and sincere response.
- Perhaps, instead of talking, it would be even better to write a letter. Thus, it will be easier for you to speak out and explain your condition, and this will not in any way oblige the addressee. Give your lover or sweetheart the letter and ask him or her to read it when he or she is alone. Then give this person time to think about what you told him, at least a day. After a few days, you can try to talk face to face. But if you are being deliberately avoided, perhaps your confession was embarrassing and took you by surprise, give your lover or beloved time to comprehend what is happening, and then try to start a conversation on this topic again.
Admit defeat. Perhaps your chosen one or chosen one is already dating someone, or you are separated by hundreds of kilometers. Perhaps this person does not even know about your feelings, because you do not find the strength to speak about them. Whatever the reason, take it as an obstacle in your path that you want to bypass on the tenth road.
- Don't confuse this with personal failure. Just because you can't be with the person you love doesn't mean you're worthless on your own. Relationships can not go well for many reasons, in particular because of problems that cannot be resolved. Just accept the fact that there are things in life that are beyond your control.
- Learn to normally perceive the shortcomings, because of which you were not reciprocated. A person who has a broken heart, as a rule, begins to deny everything, try to skip this stage. Maybe you were just incompatible. And do not hesitate to work on yourself and fight your shortcomings in order to increase your chances of not being left behind on the ship of love next time, but do not confuse them with differences. For example, slovenliness is a disadvantage that can and should be dealt with. But if you just like a different style of music or if you are a more open and sociable person than your chosen one or chosen one, this is quite normal and natural, and you don’t need to try to “break” yourself in order to change for the sake of someone else’s preferences. The taste and color of markers are different. You may be ready to do anything to be with this person, but deep down, each of us wants to be loved for who he is. Even if after you switch for the sake of a relationship with this person, and he loves you, you are likely to disperse as soon as your old habits begin to make themselves felt again.
- No need to show excessive stubbornness, which will go against common sense, you must understand that not everything in this life depends on you. Although in most cases, stubbornness is by no means the worst quality. However, sometimes stubbornness develops into despair and hopelessness. Chasing the love of a person who doesn't need you is one such case. Therefore, you just need to let go of yourself and this situation.
Move away from the object of sighs
1. Move away from the object of your sighs. Have you ever heard the proverb “Out of sight, out of mind”? Very often, falling in love is born out of attachment and habit. When you start spending a lot of time with someone you think is pretty enough, at some point you may think that this person is your other half. Therefore, if you reduce communication with your chosen one or chosen one to a minimum, feelings are likely to come to naught on their own.
  - If you fell in love close friend try to move away for a while. If you want to keep your friendship with this person, try to keep communication with him to a minimum, but at the same time, without hurting his friendly feelings. Or, if you are sure that your friend will sympathize with you and get into position, explain to this person the essence of your problem and say that you need a little time.
  - If you fall in love with a mutual friend, just try not to attend joint events, while explaining the situation to your first friend so that he does not take it personally.
  - If you fell in love with someone from your school, you can simply focus on your studies so that you don't think, forget, or cross paths with that person. Every time you think of him or her, open interesting book Or start adding a Rubik's Cube. Make changes to your schedule, if possible, sit away from him or her at dinner.
  - If you fall in love with a work colleague, try to focus on work. Avoid joint snacks, talking about Everyday life, and events such as happy hours.
  - If you fall in love with someone you can't physically avoid, try to distance yourself mentally from him or her. The fact that you are in the same room with this person does not mean at all that all your thoughts should be focused on him. Think about what you need to do, or dream about what you will do in the future without the object of your shattered hopes.
2. Make new acquaintances. If you and your lover or lover have a similar social circle, don't be afraid to expand your horizons. New friends can help you regain your self-confidence, get rid of pain and self-pity, or even introduce you to a soul mate who loves you back. Here is where you can make new acquaintances:
  - Find people with whom you have common hobbies. Like poetry? Find out when they will be literary evenings In your city. addicted writing activities? Find like-minded people on the Internet or in some literary circle. Do you play sports? Start attending sections or, if it is a team sport, sign up for a local club whose members participate in amateur matches. It can be anything, the main thing is to act, and not to sit idly by.
  - You can become a member of a volunteer movement that helps people in a local shelter or supports athletes, takes care of animals, or helps to save environment. Attend several events hosted by volunteers and interact with people.
  - Start attending school clubs. If they exist in your school, then do not neglect the opportunity to participate in their lives. You can also become a member of the organizing committee that is responsible for parties, sign up for a choir or a sports league. As you can see, there are plenty of opportunities to make new friends, you just have to want to.
3. Take care of yourself. Use this time to change your life better side, instead of thinking about the well-being of your chosen one or chosen one. Once you start to devote more time to yourself and your affairs, and you will see how life takes on bright colors again.
  - Change your image (this also applies to guys): haven’t you bought yourself new things for a long time? Going with the same hairstyle for a long time? An updated wardrobe, a new hairstyle or hair color will help you feel confident again. If you don’t know what you would like to change in yourself, ask friends or family members for advice.
  - Take care of household chores. When you are in last time did you clean the toilet/garage/bathroom/your room? Dismantling old trash is sometimes very exciting, you may even feel relieved and satisfied from this work.
  - get busy exercise. They will help you clear your mind, because when you are focused on the movements, you do not care about anything but the need to breathe. Running, swimming, cycling or other sports that will improve your body and relieve you of unnecessary thoughts are suitable for you.
  - Think positive. This may sound rather absurd, but it is actually quite powerful. Every time you look at yourself in the mirror, tell yourself out loud what you would like to hear. For example: “You will find someone a hundred times better for yourself”, “He is not worth your tears and worries.” Repeat this until you begin to believe it yourself.
  Live on
  1. As you know, you won’t enter the same river twice, so you shouldn’t fall in love with this person again after some time, after you have already forgotten to think about him. If you fell in love with him gradually, be prepared for the fact that you won’t be able to stop loving in an instant. Accept that it can take a long time before you stop having tender feelings for this person, this will help you avoid a kind of "love fever relapse." Here's how to deal with it:
    - Realize that you are looking at this person through the prism of your own feelings and that the image you have imagined is not true. Falling in love and feeling of attachment deprives you of the opportunity to think logically and evaluate this person, and you simply begin to idealize him. Tell yourself that no matter how you feel, you should not close your eyes to the shortcomings of your lover or lover, because no one is perfect.
    - Treat it like an addiction. You wouldn't drag an alcoholic who was almost cured into a bar, would you? Then you should not create situations in which you will feel like a coded alcoholic at a bottle of beer. No need to stay with former lover alone and communicate with him too often, even if you do it in a chat, and not in person.
    - No need to try to transfer feelings to someone else. Trying to switch to someone else, you will still experience the same emotions, just in relation to a different person. First, it's not fair to this new person, because you will love him not because he is who he is, but only to drown out the pain. And you won’t do better for yourself either - you’ll just walk in a vicious circle and drown in negativity.
  2. No need to get embittered. You should not blame your loved one for all mortal sins, of course, this will allow you to quickly stop loving him, but this is not a radical solution to the problem, because, drowning in your hatred, you continue to dwell on the object of your sighs, albeit in a different sense. It's like exchanging an awl for soap.
    - Each blacksmith of his own happiness, and there is no need to blame other people for his absence. Perhaps the object of sighing did not live up to your expectations, or even deliberately teased you or flirted with you, knowing full well about your feelings. But whatever happens only person that can make you happy is yourself. Only you can find your way out difficult situation so don't blame those you love for your failures.
    - Wish him or her all the best. If you sincerely care about someone, then you will only be glad if this person is happy, even if not with you. No need to get angry or blame your loved one if he started dating someone else. Just be genuinely happy for him.

Guilt sits deep in the unconscious of many of us, lives its own life there and prevents us from being happy. Often we do not even realize that we carry this beast in us, ignoring the signals of pain and fear that it sends us.

How to realize in time that you are infected with this virus and how to get rid of guilt forever?

Previously, I always believed that my reaction to the emerging conflict was only a desire to make amends for it. But, looking a little deeper into the essence of things, I realized that in fact I was afraid. I was afraid to enter into a discussion, I was afraid to spoil the impression about myself, I was afraid to say and do something wrong, incorrectly, for which I would then have to look for all sorts of excuses for a long time, and first of all for myself.

It seemed to me that people were attacking me - I immediately began to panic and it seemed as if I was pressed against the wall and the oxygen was cut off. I tried to defend myself, but it only made things worse.

The guilt intensified, my consciousness was deafened, dulled and transferred to a completely different reality, where I imagined myself as a small defenseless creature, and the big people around me scolded me for simply wanting too much to seem good.

And no matter what words I managed to squeeze out of myself at that moment - everything said, in any case, was directed and used against me. It all ended, already so familiar, tantrums and tears.

Having gone a long way of continuous "self-digging" in the corners, I realized that it was the feeling of guilt that guided me. And with the advent of understanding, questions began to come.

I asked myself:

How to become free from guilt?
How to get rid of life poisoning unpleasant sensations?
How to behave in order to experience such situations with pride and carry your dignity through them?
Where do you get the strength to openly look into the eyes of fear and not run away, not hide, not get scared, but skillfully stand up for yourself, respectfully accepting your feelings?

Indeed, in essence, in such a pursuit from oneself it is impossible to win, except to hide for a while, after which the path to liberation will only become longer.

Each time such situations arose and guilt arose, I tried to carefully monitor my reactions, impressing myself with new principles, like prayers.

It is very important to be honest with yourself and let these beliefs into the most painful depths, into the longest and most unpleasant corridors of consciousness.

You should completely turn your thoughts around and make them work differently, unconditionally accepting the essence of the new principles.

How can you get rid of guilt. Psychology

And here's what I got - my new beliefs:

The reaction of the interlocutor is his own business

I relieve myself of responsibility for incorrect, at my discretion, perception by the opponent. His anger, defensive reaction, aggression, protest - all this does not concern me. I should not feel guilty about the fact that a person misinterprets constructive comments or criticism in his head, falling into a rage and losing control of his emotions. Moreover, you still won’t get into the head of another person, maybe he really got very upset or angry, or maybe he just has a bad mood because of the rain, a toothache or other reasons. Feelings are a personal private territory that everyone must manage on their own.

I make mistakes and that's ok

We all make mistakes and sometimes we don't even know it. And feeling guilty about it is an unforgivable luxury. We must allow ourselves to them, because this is a normal, natural process that indicates that we are trying and trying. Making mistakes is normal, it's better than sitting and doing nothing. Stagnation in one place is a much more terrible thing, although it saves us from mistakes and from any external reactions in principle.

People make mistakes through no fault of mine

It is important to set limits for yourself - "yours" and "mine". If you take someone else's negative behavior and reactions too close to your heart, you can put on your shoulders a heavy ballast of other people's mistakes and on top one more in the form of responsibility for them. And what about being more attentive to yourself and your life, because you can’t change other people, and is it worth it? But changing yourself is a much more rewarding occupation.

There are many things in the world that I can't

Live and learn! And the calmness with which you should accept that something is not working out for you and you do not know how and do not know what to do is one of the most important parts this life learning. Accept yourself for who you are to permanently get rid of the guilt that arises every time you do something that is not quite perfect.

My behavior will not deprive me of the love and respect of others

You don't have to pretend to be "good" to earn happiness. We are all deserving of it. If someone thinks badly of you - let them! This is his opinion, and it is not for us to condemn or challenge him. But to make such conclusions quickly and on the basis of some single actions, to put it mildly, is not reasonable. After all, the one with whom we know well will never change his attitude towards us in one moment. He may be offended, but good attitude won't "disappear" instantly.

Friends, you need to understand the main thing - love, respect for others and a good attitude towards you - feelings are long-term and do not quickly pass from one incorrectly expressed thought or deed. And you should not try your best to deserve universal love. You are either loved or not. Why try to please everyone while ignoring own desires and urges?

Now I don’t justify myself to anyone and I don’t take offense at anyone. I don’t even want to seem “good” in front of someone. After a deep study of the above principles, conflict and tense situations began to rapidly disappear from my life and finally left it completely.

Instead, new, previously unknown feelings came to me. Instead of feeling guilty, I filled my body and soul with the warmth that I try to share with others. Now I no longer feel small and defenseless, but on the contrary, a confident and worthy companion.

I play by my own rules and am not afraid to take the initiative to end the conversation and get rid of accusers if the situation calls for it. I respect myself and others, and no matter what difficulties get in my way, I overcome them with nobility and ease.

I would be glad if these principles help you. get rid of guilt and break free from your own limits! The main thing is to be honest with yourself and accept yourself for who you are.

Love yourself and do not blame anything!

Alena Golovina

Interesting

At least once in a lifetime, love without reciprocity overtook any of us. An unrequited feeling, like a flame, burns you from the inside. Only you can extinguish it as useless or turn it into a forest fire. Now you are suffering from broken heart and don't know how to get rid of love To man then follow the advice below.

Realize that you didn't have a real love how you thought for a long time. And there was a disease that required treatment. Contact a specialist for help. Here the advice of girlfriends will not work.
Learn to love yourself. The one who is proud of himself and finds something good in himself is less dependent on others.
Come up with bright, memorable, interesting activities. that will distract you from thinking about love. It can be: going to a fitness center or SPA-salons, to the theater or art gallery. Try not to have free time.
Build relationships with the opposite sex. You can do this when you fulfill the conditions of the previous method. Here the main quantity, the more new acquaintances you make, the better. The effect will be like amnesia - partial loss of memory. Feelings will subside imperceptibly and without suffering.
Use shock therapy. you miss your ex love? Make it a lot. Call him day and night, see him off and meet him, stick photos with his image everywhere, etc. Until you get bored.
Try the method used in the west. Blind a statue of a person (with the image of a former loved one) near a cliff, and then tear off parts from it and throw them into the abyss. This method is said to be very effective.

Forget the object of adoration and look into the future

Talking is always easier than doing and showing results. But it is necessary to forget a person, in our case it is a necessity. Spend as much time as possible with your family, friends and just nice people. You should be surrounded by pleasant emotions from all sides. Do not communicate with those people who can remind you of the object of adoration.

What connected you with your beloved or beloved must be erased from your life. Make plans for the future, think about material wealth and personal achievements. Realize your plans, rushing headlong into new things. You can make new acquaintances when some acceptable amount of time has passed.

Appreciate and love yourself

A lot of complexes can form because of unrequited love, but this does not mean that you are worse than anyone else. A person is able to develop and become better, do not let complexes develop inside you. If you don’t know the reason for the breakup, analyze the situation, try to find out why you were rejected.

Getting rid of feelings just does not work. This is a laborious process that can be turned into a pleasant side for yourself. Listen good music, not necessarily fun, the main thing is to like it. Keep your body and soul in order and systematically work on yourself - only then will you succeed.

And how often do you perceive your Failures and Mistakes as part of the inevitable Process of Development and Gaining Experience?

The attitudes of Society and Education are not very conducive to this.

This is the reason why most people associate Error with Failure, Criticism, Ridicule, Punishment. Self-condemnation and self-blame are also her indispensable companions.

The lucky ones who are lucky enough to be born into a progressive family also have to deal with the Beliefs that reign in society.

Beliefs formed at the Historical level are very Powerful and Deep! They, like a funnel, draw in large masses of people. And they have a strong influence on their beliefs.

Since the time of Adam and Eve, we have experienced an unconscious sense of Guilt for our sinfulness (and in the process of growing up, we only increase it).

All our experience - historical - genetic - own confirms:

"You have to pay for sinfulness!"

And even if we refute this setting on the Conscious level, on the Unconscious - it can work!

So the question is: "How to get rid of the feeling of Guilt?" relevant at all times.

And it doesn't matter: whether he realizes his Guilt - or does not recognize it, forcing it into the Unconscious. The intensity of this feeling plays much B ABOUT bigger role.

Scenarios unfold in different ways:

The guilty person punishes himself (doing it unconsciously!)

A guilty person forms (attracts) situations in which he is punished by Others.

This is why guilt is so unpleasant. It is like the "Sword of Domocles", from which you can't hide anywhere.

Guilt (especially experienced long time) greatly reduces Vibrations. With reduced Vibrations, the Condition "falls below the plinth". The immune system is weakened. And people get sick easily.

In a low-vibration State, we, like a magnet, attract situations or people with vibrations of the same level to us.

On the one hand, they give us " feedback", showing the level of our Vibrations. On the other hand, they are involved in interaction, usually - not the most pleasant!

Draw your own conclusions!

How to get rid of the feeling of Guilt?

If you recognize it, it's easier! Elementary Logic and B will help you here ABOUT Greater Awareness.

To get started, try answering the questions (from the article ") and make a firm decision: "What do you want? Continue in the same spirit? Or get rid of guilt?

If you decide to break up with him, read on. Otherwise, don't waste your time.

In the article "How Guilt Arises" I have given the most common reasons.

And what Beliefs helped shape this feeling for you? The release algorithm will also depend on this.

1 Option:

You really screwed up! And it makes you very sad.

If you are 100% ready to take responsibility for your act, talk to the person you feel guilty about. Ask him Forgiveness and do it Sincerely! After all, wittingly or unwittingly, you touched his important Values and caused him Pain!

Sincere Repentance will remove a Great burden from your Soul!

If this is not possible: the person is no longer in this world, you don’t have the opportunity to communicate with him, or you don’t have the courage to talk face to face, conduct the Ritual of Virtual Communication.

You may even have to do this more than once. The indicator that you have done it with all your heart is a feeling of Lightness on the bodily level. You will immediately feel it.

Chat with the image of this person. But first, feel: what connection has formed between you. I won't describe how to do it.

Tell him the words that your Heart prompts. If you suddenly cry, or a strong emotion stirs up in you, great! This means that the process of liberation from the "heavy burden" has begun!

Until you become aware of the blocked emotion and re-live it, it will be difficult for you to let it go.

Even if from the first time it seems to you that the person has not forgiven you, do not despair! Keep doing this Ritual!

Which is very IMPORTANT!

SINCERELY FORGIVE YOURSELF!

Sometimes Transference occurs: and it seems to you that you have NOT been Forgiven! Although, in fact, it is you who cannot Forgive yourself!

Understand: "Life punishment is given only to the most notorious villains. Why are you so ruthless to yourself?"

Every person has the right to protection. Why are you depriving yourself of this right?

Everything in the world is interconnected. And we are all in relation to each other - both Teachers and Students.

So, any interaction, both pleasant and unpleasant, was necessary for both parties. If you acted dishonestly towards someone, it means that his Soul also chose to pass this Lesson (and we don't know why).

This does not mean that justifying yourself with this thought, it is worth doing so further.

Your task is to receive feedback, analyze your own, not the best actions, and not repeat them again! Take lessons from them! Make Conclusions! And gain experience!

Life is long, and you can hardly live it without making mistakes.

So, allow yourself the luxury of enriching your Experience with new Mistakes! It's better than acting out a boring scenario!

Option 2 (derived from the 1st)

When you feel Guilt for what you have done (or not done) to yourself.

For example, you had "Napoleonic plans", but they remained plans. You compare yourself to more successful people and reproach for inaction.

And in this case, it is important to FORGIVE YOURSELF!

And understand: "Not all the goals you strive for are yours!" And if you did not have enough motivation, perhaps because you came into this World for other tasks! And you need time to feel: "What really matters to you?"

Allow yourself Failures, Mistakes and Misses! No wonder they say:

"The last degree of Failure - becomes the first step to Success!"

If all goals and plans came true "on one or two", they would cease to have at least some Value for you. For your Soul, the Experience and States that you receive in the process of your development are much more important than your Achievements!.

3 option

When the occurrence of this feeling is associated with the fear of being Bad in the eyes of other people or your own.

Suppose you refused to do something because you felt you were being manipulated. But at the same time, you still feel guilty. Manipulators are great masters of "putting pressure on the Conscience"!

You are driven "in a fork": or you follow their lead, feeling Anger and Annoyance at yourself. Or don't go - and then you are "bitten by Vina".

It's Important to Realize that Guilt is a feeling that has been tricked into you (so that you can easily "pull your strings").

Try the ritual. And presenting the Guilt in the form of some symbol, return it to the one who implanted it in you. And fill the place in the body (where you felt it) with white light.

Be sure to Forgive yourself and that person. Indeed, often he himself wins back the patterns imposed in childhood, not knowing how to do it differently.

But, thanks to him, you have realized your "Achilles heel" and now you can distinguish your own feelings from those imposed. And this is worth a lot!

WITH THANKS! ARINA

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