How to humiliate a person with a word: examples of phrases and patterns of behavior. How to humiliate a subordinate who forgot about subordination

Words and actions aimed at making a person feel inferior, as well as experience fear and insecurity, are called humiliating. Humiliation, according to psychologists, can be a serious blow to a person's personality, as this suffers from his self-esteem. It happens that a person is humiliated in order to deprive him of the respect of others. And sometimes, humiliating, they try in this way to increase their self-esteem - this indicates that in the past they themselves were offended and humiliated more than once, and now he is not able to achieve confidence in another way, gaining it only during bullying others.

Humiliation: fear and pain

Almost anyone can find themselves in degrading circumstances: faced with hooligans on the street, during conflicts in the family or at work, and with many other options. Both words and actions can humiliate. If for one person who is self-confident, they do not leave a trace, then they can morally crush and break another. Verbal humiliation, as a rule, is based on the failure of a person in one area or another. For men, for example, hints that he is not able to provide for his family or that he is a “rag” can be humiliating, and for women, doubts about their attractiveness or their ability to be a good housewife and mother.

Humiliation is especially acutely perceived in adolescence, when the emotional background is still unstable, and a little life experience and a desire to assert oneself often do not allow an adequate assessment of what is happening. When children are humiliated (unfortunately, many parents sin with this), the consequences can be very distant and unfavorable. In the first years of life, when the child is only forming the basic principles of perception of the world around him, he risks not only getting sick, but getting misconceptions about his own strengths and capabilities. Humiliation can not only lead to neurosis, but also disrupt the child's ability to adequately evaluate himself and his actions, developing self-esteem and forming self-esteem. Subsequently, children who experienced early years humiliation in the family, they can repeat a similar pattern of behavior, “acting out” on their relatives and descendants.

Many people who have experienced serious humiliation, or who have experienced it for a long time, may experience serious problems. Often, on an unconscious level, they try in any way to avoid a repetition of this in the future, starting to avoid communication and becoming antisocial. They play it safe and often do not understand what they expect from others to be humiliated. In such cases, a person also runs the risk of becoming embittered and cruel, compensating for their fears by humiliating others.

How to survive humiliation and become stronger

If an incident associated with humiliation, reflecting on his self-esteem, but he can’t cope with the situation on his own, you should seek help from psychologists. Sometimes the consequences of the humiliation experienced can be so serious that a person runs the risk of simply “breaking down”, not gaining either strength or wisdom as a result. Some experts recommend various ways to "delete" an unpleasant incident from memory, visually imagining how the picture washes away with water, or it simply melts, dissolving in water. You can imagine and concentrate on how the image on paper burns out or break the screen on which the experience is “showed” with a huge hammer - from the many options, you just need to choose the most suitable one.

Having got rid of annoying memories that return a person to a state of humiliation, it is necessary to simultaneously work on self-esteem - try to remember the most successful and positive periods in life, “absorbing” a state of satisfaction, self-pride and confidence. It is important to identify all the factors and "hooks" in the past that do not make you feel confident, and consistently eliminate them.

Humiliation is most often a purposeful human behavior that leads to a decrease in the level of value, significance and positive self-perception of another person. This can be done with a completely conscious purpose or as a result of attempts to assert oneself at the expense of another. Humiliation can be a destructive form of upbringing, or it can be manifested as a personality trait that acquires a significant characterological influence.

For many, the question of how to survive humiliation is relevant, since it is often the starting point for the development of pathological psychological conditions. Experienced humiliation can change a person's behavior, make him overly reinsured and expect a blow to his own conceit. Humiliation has the most devastating impact in childhood, and affects the formation of subsequent reality and ways of contacting it.

Children who are often humiliated can grow up as insecure and insecure individuals who are afraid to take on any business, consider themselves unworthy of love, support, and rewards. But development according to the principle of counteraction can also happen, and then such a child, becoming an adult, begins to apply a humiliating strategy of behavior to everyone around him, for him there are no limits and exceptions, since this is the norm for his picture of the world. Years of therapy are needed to return an adequate response to the world after a severe, complete humiliation of childhood.

What is humiliation

Humiliation is on the other side of arrogance, and the more arrogant a person is, the more inclined he is to humiliate others. The desire to show oneself in a favorable light knows no bounds, and if this requires denigrating others, then this will be done.

The feeling of humiliation serves as a kind of regulator of social relationships. Humiliating another, society or special person gives a message about shortcomings and inconsistency with expectations.

The humiliation of a woman by a man is perceived so painfully, in particular, because it is almost a direct text about her inconsistency with his ideas. need modern man in social acceptance is almost tantamount to survival, so any humiliation on the part of society is perceived as a personal threat to existence.

If a person has a very high opinion of himself, considers himself right everywhere, then a collision with his own inadequacy and humiliation can become a fatal test for him. It is because of the great difference between social perception and one's own that the whole personal structure and perception of the world as such can collapse. People who evaluate themselves adequately and critically, treat their own shortcomings with humor, and are practically not subject to humiliation.

Humiliation can also be divided according to the source of its origin. So, other people can humiliate, specifically reducing the merits of a person, showing how much better and more successful they are. This is a conscious humiliation, purposeful and being a factor of influence from the outside. But internal prerequisites for self-humiliation are also possible, when a person perceives the successes of others as his own failure, when he himself deliberately downplays his contribution or success. For a similar warehouse of character, in order to feel humiliation, external factors are not needed, a person copes on his own. If such a trait is not developed, then even the special influence of others, in an attempt to lower self-esteem, may be unsuccessful.

Why does a man humiliate a woman

The humiliation of a woman by a man happens quite often, many consider this the norm and pass by, someone is desperately fighting, but in order to counteract such a phenomenon, it is necessary to understand the reasons for its occurrence.

One of the reasons for such male behavior may be an unconscious response to female humiliation, screams, insults or claims. Negative statements have a very strong effect on the male psyche and immediately trigger defense mechanisms in it. Sometimes it can be going on the defensive and silence all evening, and sometimes the degree of the situation is so high that the man immediately goes on the offensive.

Any humiliation is aimed at and, and the best revenge would be to disrupt such plans, that is, it is necessary to organize your life in order to be as happy, successful and independent of the attacks and sharp statements of your husband as possible. If he resorts to humiliation, then other methods have ended, and the ineffectiveness of such a method will make him fight in hysterics. Many people end relationships after this, not being able to recognize the right of another to his choice and happiness, but there are those who are aware of the limits of their capabilities and go to an open dialogue.

Why does a wife humiliate her husband

In many ways, the reasons why women humiliate their husbands are the same as men's. This primarily includes the system of relations in the parental family and the absorbed style of education. Possibly if not family tradition, and in further public places (school, institute, work), the woman was subjected to frequent humiliation, then given style communication she will spread and carry further in her life.

Many, thus, receive an emotional discharge, relieve excess stress or receive missing attention. After being beaten at work, a woman may well overreact to her husband's shortcomings. Doubt and lowering one's self-esteem can also be perceived quite painfully and require drastic recovery measures. And if at this moment there are no suitable conditions for pampering and appreciating yourself, raising your level, then this is achieved by lowering the level of another. It can be dangerous to carry out such manipulations with unfamiliar people, but with the closest ones, great opportunities open up. In justification, we can say that such tendencies work unconsciously and disappear when the provoking factors are corrected.

Of the conscious motives for humiliating a husband, there may be inherited systems for controlling communication. Many women believe that if a man is constantly praised, he will relax and do nothing, degrade personally and morally. In this case, humiliation is a perverse way of caring and demonstrating the love and desire for all kinds of development of the spouse. It is difficult to predict what results this will have. A person with adequate self-esteem and brought up in a prosperous family is unlikely to become long time tolerate such treatment. And for someone who has been humiliated since childhood, this can become a familiar and familiar form of interaction, the only one of all that is understandable.

Also, a woman can humiliate a man if she is unhappy, angry or receives little attention. That is, globally, he is not really bad, but she is so bad that she wants to blame her husband for this. But humiliation can also manifest itself when there is no love left for the husband, no respect, no value for what he does. Usually, this behavior can no longer be corrected, and the marriage gradually dies.

Despite the fact that humanity has made a huge leap in its development compared to the slave system, such a concept as has not disappeared from our lives. From the physical it moved to a more subtle level and half hidden from our eyes began to cause even more problems. Mental violence has already ceased to be something from the realm of fantasy, but has become a powerful and effective tool for manipulating others and self-aggrandizement.

Signs and causes of humiliation

Any humiliation is violence, and it does not matter what goal a person pursues, exposing others to this painful process. We can distinguish the following states into which a person who is humiliated is deliberately introduced.

• Shame
  A person who wants to humiliate another knows very well that the maximum effect can be achieved by having as many "witnesses" as possible. The more people, the more the sense of shame of the “victim” inflates, the more serious the consequences of everything that happens seem to her.
• Guilt
  A person who humiliates another is trying to justify his actions. His goal is to convince the victim that she herself is to blame for everything that happens. This makes it possible to shift responsibility and relieve oneself of guilt for what one has done.

• Loss of self respect
  Any humiliation leads to the fact that a person turns away from himself. His inability to defend himself leads to a split personality, where one part begins to hate the other for failing to prevent humiliation. The lie is that in this particular situation, nothing could be changed outwardly. The only wise decision is to remain calm inside.
• Feeling of inevitability
  This feeling is very subtly used, creating the illusion of justifying humiliation. Everywhere we hear and see what is happening in the world. Most events are perceived in such a way that if violence and humiliation occur everywhere and constantly, then they are a kind of norm. They are trying to convince us that nothing can be done, we just need to take it “easier” about it.

Humiliation is not something unconscious. It always pursues a specific goal. There are several reasons why the "performer" chooses this particular means of action.

• Manipulation
  The humiliated person loses the real picture what is happening. It is very easy for him to impose his beliefs and force him to perform the necessary action. Humiliation causes such intense inner pain that a person is ready to do almost anything to stop this torture. Having done once what he is forced to do, he becomes a puppet. Now he will do everything he is told until he changes his reaction to the humiliation and freedom of choice of another person.

• self-exaltation
  There is a category of people who want to hide their cowardice and weakness by raising themselves above others. They do not want to make any attempts for their development and believe that the world will cave in to their petty selfish desires. Such people, as a rule, are able to humiliate a weak person. When it comes to strong people, their determination disappears somewhere, and they try to find a “crowd” of their own kind in order to settle scores.

• Energy vampirism
  A person who does not want to develop positive qualities in himself deprives himself of internal energy. At its core, it blocks its internal nutrition. The predominance of negative qualities does not allow such a person to connect to an unlimited spiritual source, no matter how you call it - God, Creator, Creator. The lack of internal nutrition leads to the exhaustion of all spheres of the human being - mental, emotional and physical. To survive, such a person vitally needs to receive nourishment. He cannot take it from his own kind, since they are also torn off from the light. He also cannot receive energy from more developed people, since such people, as a rule, control their actions and deeds. Therefore, the food becomes the so-called average person, who easily falls into negative states. When a person is humiliated, he transforms his positive energy into fear. The latter is a "tidbit" for energy vampires.

Protection from humiliation

The most important thing to remember is that any defense against humiliation is based on raising the level of consciousness and constant control over one’s own inner world. Let's look at a few steps that will help us gain more inner confidence and become less sensitive to various kinds of fears.

• Developing self-respect and increasing self-esteem
  Self-respect is not about indulging your selfish habits and desires, but about giving yourself the opportunity to get the necessary experience and not dwell on your mistakes. Here it is necessary to do work on the definition of life values ​​and the development of their unique qualities. This, in turn, will help increase self-esteem.

• Development of acceptance
  To develop acceptance means to understand that all people are at different stages of development, which directly affects their actions. This in no way suggests that it is necessary to close to humiliation and violence. But it is we who should become an example of how to properly respond to humiliation so that it does not deprive other people of control over their actions.
• Exposing False Fears
  We cannot even imagine how much emotional garbage accumulates in us because of our unwillingness to work on ourselves. Mountains of illusory fears litter our inner space, obscuring the horizon of a harmonious and joyful life. We should take everything necessary tools and hold general cleaning. After the majority is removed, it will be much easier for us to protect ourselves from humiliation and prevent deep spiritual wounds from arising.

• Development of objectivity
  We allow big mistake in accepting humiliation due to its subjectivity. We take everything to heart. We need to change the course of action and become objective, directing reactions to another person not from our resentment and pain, but from his internal state. A person who deliberately humiliates another is in an unbalanced state and, accordingly, the blame and responsibility lies entirely with him. We can only be responsible for our reaction, or rather for whether it is subjective or objective.

Unfortunately, it is impossible to change another person and prevent humiliation. But we can secure and protect ourselves. We can learn to control our reactions, thus preventing fear from taking root. Then we become an example for others and show that everything depends only on us.

As he says Dictionary Vanity is the need to prove one's own superiority over other people. On the one hand, this is a sign of morbid pride. On the other hand, the desire to be better than others is excellent, and sometimes the only one for self-development. Perhaps, with this tool of evolution, nature slightly overdid it. Competitive spirit and self-affirmation as a motivation work great if they do not reach outright humiliation and tyranny.

Trying to be better than others by playing by the rules and developing personal skills is a healthy motivation. Perhaps the whole point is that nature encourages human development rewarding those who are successful in this business with a sense of satisfaction. And a man - a cunning creature - has learned to deceive himself and experience satisfaction from pseudo-development. This is self-deception, in which, in order to “keep up the mark”, one does not need to grow oneself, it is enough just to humiliate other people. In order to stay on the level, it is much easier to lower others than to actually advance in one's own evolution. But a substitute for “development” by belittling other people is a fake, an imitation of development, a dead model, which in reality is rather a degradation.

Vanity of nothingness

Vanity is a way to deceive yourself by getting satisfaction from the illusion of your own greatness. In advanced stages, vanity develops into star fever and further into delusions of grandeur self-satisfied paranoia, with which a person imagines his own power, beauty and genius out of nowhere. All this - back side humiliation. Vanity is an exalted meanness.

Sometimes when we ask for help, or when this help is offered to us without our asking, we can experience humiliation, because there is a stamp in our heads that help is needed by the weak, helpless, or inferior members of society. Another proud person will not ask for help, even if someone's life depends on it.

We are humiliated not so much by "kings" as by people equal to us, but in their vanity, who imagine themselves to be kings. And if this happens, it means that our position is below average, you can spit in our direction and pour slops as long as we allow it. IN in a certain sense the desire to be "above" others - this is baseness, which tries to rise at the expense of others.

A vain nothingness rejoices in someone else's pain, becomes an "energy" vampire who feeds on someone else's suffering. Insignificance seeks out people's sore spots in order to feel power over them. Legs grow from here, including: selfishness, snobbery, ambition, pride, star fever, etc. Putting on all these pompous masks, we flaunt our own humiliation within ourselves. We exalt ourselves to the skies, trampling our own suppressed insignificance into the mud. This is how we create and maintain an inner psychic split in which our greatness is reverse side our insignificance.

When a person experiences humiliation for a long time, he loses self respect, and self-esteem becomes low. He closes himself off from others, hides his pain, defending himself with a mask of false personality, which is artificially designed to hide psychic trauma. As the internal split grows, the psyche becomes less and less stable, and the person is in continuous tension, because he cannot be himself, cannot reveal his insides to others, or even to himself, disfigured by the bleeding wound of humiliation.

With such a wound in the soul, a person painfully perceives any criticism, accidentally heard extraneous laughter takes it at his own expense as a mockery, and even an innocent remark reminds him of suppressed humiliation.

At the same time, an outside critic is sometimes perceived as if he saw through the humiliated, revealed his secret about a mental wound in the soul, got under the skin, and, having learned weakness, pricked at its very epicenter.

All these are personal hallucinations of a wounded soul. That is why the therapist, listening to the client, at some appropriate moment may ask a question about similar cases from the past. Perhaps, in early childhood, when the child was unable to digest humiliation, this experience was repressed into his unconscious. And in the unconscious, mental wounds do not heal, but continue to bleed. To heal, you need to patiently open up, eliminating all false guises, face your own fears.

It is not surprising that even innocent criticism can cause wounded soul hatred. A humiliated and conceited person is greedy for flattery, and is extremely dependent on the opinions of others, which others sometimes consciously or unconsciously use. The once humiliated person often plays it safe, defending himself even where there was no smell of an attack, which makes him seem unreasonably harsh and aggressive.

The more neglected the "situation", the stronger man tense, the more difficult it is for him to communicate with other people, the more alone, at times, a person feels. In such a situation, the role of a psychologist can be indispensable. A suffering person needs to be simply listened to, allowed to be himself, accepted without any judgment, sensitively and with respect for his essence.

The love of a vain nothingness

At the opposite pole, it is convenient for a sick psyche to attribute internal self-aggrandizement to “victories” on the love front. Such a person in a relationship does not build relationships so much as asserts himself, tries to prove to himself another victory that he is not a miserable nonentity. And if this self-affirmation is resisted, "love" suddenly turns into hatred.

Why do we hate our beloved? He did not amuse our pride, did not exalt our person, showed that we are unworthy of such an attitude, and therefore our conceited majesty falls into the other extreme - humiliation. Hate is mixed with love, because the refusal of reciprocity tramples down pride, which in fact was just a cover for one's own inner insignificance.

And by the way, the stronger the beloved has trampled our pride into the dirt, the stronger we “love” him! Remember? One extreme supports and strengthens the other. This kind of painful "love" goes hand in hand with vanity, hatred, and humiliation.

Let me remind you that we are talking not at all about some real insignificance, but only about his conflicting feelings and guesses at his own expense. We do all this with ourselves. This is how mental mechanisms work. We trample ourselves into the dirt in order to exalt ourselves later. Most of us suffer from such mental “wounds” to varying degrees.

The vanity of civilization

Our entire civilization rests on the self-assertion of its own worthlessness. Remember your childhood. We've always liked heroes who indulge their ego in a particularly skillful way. The cooler the hero, the more skillfully he exalts his ego: the indestructible terminator, or the powerful Neo, who defeats the neurotic Smith, Cinderella, who made her way from the bottom of society straight to the prince, Barbie, born in the wealth and luxury of pink glamour.

What is Pushkin's fairy tale about a magic mirror worth! The sly mirror inspired the proud queen that she was "the sweetest of all in the world." And so, a whole mess ensued around the low self-esteem of the queen! The “cruel” truth that the young princess is more beautiful, the painful psyche of the queen could not perceive reasonably, and in order to keep her image on top, the queen was ready to go “breaking bad”. The list is endless. Every story has a good example.

A the greatest masters in this difficult matter of conceited self-aggrandizement, we stand on spiritual path when, renouncing pride, we amuse it precisely - pride at more and more sophisticated and refined levels. I think this should be treated with calm understanding.

Vanity and humiliation

A long experience of humiliation does not mean that a person can be put an end to. On the contrary, overcoming the imbalance, we gain wisdom and become stronger than we could become without this tempering experience. All mental "diseases" are overcome. Our weaknesses are simply those mental “muscles” that need to be worked on first of all, turning weakness into strength.

Often, when we see others being criticized, we can easily recognize the subjectivity of the critic. But if they criticize our person, then we begin to take criticism seriously. There is a kind of "coupling", when the critic's hallucinations seem to coincide with the hallucinations of the humiliating one.

For example, a dominant boss scolds a subordinate, reaching tyranny, towering over a person who depends on him. And the subordinate, actively participating in the "game" not on an equal footing, is humiliated, affirming himself in the position of a weak junior manager. The subordinate perceives this as an “objective” reality, a “common” space in which this single process of humiliation and elevation between two subjects takes place. All this feels so realistic, as if it really is an objective reality. And the reciprocal hatred of the boss also seems justified and appropriate.

However, this whole situation takes place in the head of the subordinate. There is no "objective" reality where the boss in the role of alpha male humiliates a subordinate. These are all subjective perceptions, dualistic mind games that most people play in their heads every day.

What really goes on in the boss's head is irrelevant. The subjective experiences of the boss do not go beyond his head. If the boss masturbates in public amuses his vanity - this is his "national" problem. The subordinate only hears the timbre of the voice, sees facial expressions, and characterizes all this in accordance with his life experience. And if in his experience there is a psychotrauma of humiliation, it is naturally projected in a new similar situation.

In psychology, there is a term "classical conditioning", which refers to the process of developing a conditioned reflex. Have you heard the joke about laboratory monkeys?

Two monkeys in a cage are talking:
- Girlfriend, what is a conditioned reflex?
– Well, how can I explain this to you… Do you see this lever? As soon as I press it, this man in a white coat immediately comes up and gives me a sugar cube!

Conditioned reflexes appear when, for example, we react to a neutral situation emotionally, because in our head it is associated with another situation from the past, where we have already shown exactly these emotions.

That is, when a subordinate hates the Boss, it is possible that he actually hates his father, or a classmate bully who in the past subdued our subordinate by suppressing him. Perhaps the boss's remarks were innocent, but some subtly similar undertones of his actions aroused repressed feelings in the subordinate, and caused an inadequate reaction.

That is why it is advisable to maintain a healthy self-esteem in a child, because the child's consciousness is not yet able to fully realize the illusory nature of mental duality. Injuries inflicted in early childhood repressed into the unconscious, and may haunt a person for life. After all, it is in childhood that our basic ideas about the world and society are developed. It is extremely difficult to change them in adulthood.

To humiliate others is a much worse kind of pride than to exalt oneself beyond one's merit.
Francesco Petrarca

Pride is an echo of former humiliation.
Stepan Balakin

Do not humiliate yourself in front of anyone: do not look down on anyone!
Leonid S. Sukhorukov

If you have not humiliated yourself, nothing can humiliate you.
Richard Yucht

Conscious humiliation

Sometimes humiliation is deliberately chosen for various reasons. For some, humiliation is a kind of psychological extreme that provides a liberating feeling of looseness, overcoming boundaries and freedom from fear.

Something similar, with a characteristic rush of adrenaline, is felt by fans of extreme sports, for example, during parachuting. The looseness of feelings gives a feeling when "the sea is knee-deep."

In other cases, some people like to feel like a subordinate thing, with which the owner will do whatever he wants. This, I believe, is a distorted need for acceptance and trust, somewhat analogous to a child's trust in parents.

I have already said above that humiliation is the other side of vanity. Perhaps people who have great power over others (bosses, bosses, etc.) may consciously choose humiliation to smooth out self-esteem and defuse tension.

In our society, there is even a separate psychosexual subculture “BDSM”, which is based on humiliation and domination in sexual relations. Followers of "BDSM" get excited and defuse emotional tension, violating their role playing social conventions and taboos.

Sometimes they humiliate themselves in order to manipulate the vanity of another person, whom they exalt with their humiliation. For example, by humiliating himself, a person in the role of a weak person simply seeks to relieve himself of responsibility in order to leave all difficult matters for a “strong” personality, greedy for flattery and vanity. Humiliated at the same time, he can consider himself smarter, since he managed to achieve what he wanted with his “cunning” manipulations. Or the humiliating one simply wants pity, and longs to stay forever in where it is convenient for him to be helpless and weak.

Beggars and beggars also play on pity for their humiliating position. They say that some of these "beggars" earn by humiliation much more decently than their benefactors.

Sometimes people come to deliberate humiliation in order to avoid punishment from the dominant authority. If the authority is led to the "game", it also, in its psyche, increases the split, swinging the pendulum of vanity and humiliation.

Another rather rare variant of conscious humiliation is for the spiritual purpose of pacifying pride and vanity. But with such a goal, a person is not so much humiliated as he learns to show humility. And such humility, I think, should not be confused with humiliation. Ordinary humiliation is always a certain kind of self-deception and rejection of the current situation. Humility on the spiritual path, on the contrary, is associated with the acceptance of the life that is happening. Humiliation is different from humility, just as neurosis is different from holiness.

Inertia

Understanding how our psyche works, how we become attached to the pendulum of humiliation and vanity, helps to draw attention to these mental mechanisms. But even their conscious understanding does not guarantee complete liberation from these experiences. I can speak from my own experience.

Inertia is like one of key laws mind. A mind without habits is the mind of a Buddha. And if a person claims that he does not have pride and a sense of self-importance, most likely, this means that his pride is so highly developed that it prevents a person from recognizing its presence.

The way out of this painful duality is self-knowledge, diligent systematic awareness, sensitivity and attentiveness to the manifestations of one's own psyche. In order not to get involved in this game, be honest with yourself. Does it really matter what leads other people? What is driving you?

If you don't play vanity and humiliation, it becomes boring to humiliate you. Not getting the desired result, the petty tyrant ceases to get his painful pride.

If you can laugh at yourself, no one can laugh at you. A person is humiliated not when he bows, but when he feels humiliation. The very experience of humiliation is a sign of an internal split.

The strong one is not the one who rises, but the one who no longer needs it. It is quite possible to be a successful and prosperous person without becoming a conceited idiot. Such impulses in oneself should be carefully examined so that they go out in the bud. Vanity is just a game of strength and a real internal split. True Power- this is our healthy psyche, creative will, accumulated abilities and talents.

© Igor Satorin

Article " Vanity, pride and humiliation” written specifically for
When using the material, an active link to the source is required.

Humiliation is one of the strongest stimuli, to which it reacts extremely painfully. human psyche. Nevertheless, this phenomenon can and should be fought.

Definition

Humiliation is the behavior of an individual, aimed at suppressing a sense of dignity both in the person himself and in the eyes of others. This action can be both unconsciously and intentionally, for the purpose of self-affirmation or in the process of education. It is worth noting that humiliation can cause serious psychological trauma and nervous disorders.

For the object to which such activity is directed, humiliation is a serious shock and a blow to well-being. Feeling and humiliation - this is the fourth step in Thus, a person consciously tries to avoid humiliating situations, which often leads to lack of communication and sociopathy.

Fear of humiliation

Humiliation is definitely an unpleasant feeling. Fear is largely due to the fact that everyone can find themselves in such an unpleasant situation, which is absolutely impossible to foresee. In this case, much depends on personal psychological characteristics. So, if an individual is self-confident and psychologically stable, he will calmly survive an unpleasant situation (it is quite possible that it will not leave a trace). But humiliation can break a weak personality, which sometimes leads to tragic consequences.

Submission and humiliation are unwanted feelings that are especially painful for teenagers. It is during this period that the character and perception of the world is formed. Having experienced humiliation, a person is wary of others and withdraws into himself. Trying to exclude the possibility of a repetition of the situation, he becomes unsociable and aggressive, which complicates the process of adaptation in society.

Can humiliation be avoided?

Submission and humiliation will not please anyone. It is only natural that people try to avoid such situations, even if they have not experienced such feelings before. As a rule, people are humiliated during the conflict. If you feel that the situation is heating up, you can use the following techniques:

• Try to understand the mood of your interlocutor. If he behaves aggressively, do not try to express your opinion, even if it is the only correct one.
• Try to lighten the mood by changing the subject. This must be done carefully so as not to offend the interlocutor.
• If you feel that humiliation of honor is the main goal of the interlocutor, you should not even try to prove your case. Even if you are overwhelmed with emotions, just turn around and walk away.

How to survive humiliation?

Humiliation human dignity- this is a way of self-affirmation, revenge, etc. Nevertheless, for a person who has been exposed to such an effect, this is a serious shock that can leave an imprint on the whole later life. There are cases when a humiliating situation caused suicide (especially among adolescents). To survive an unpleasant situation without serious consequences for the psyche, you should pay attention to the following tips:

• A common technique is "stripping out". You must live and communicate with others as if an unpleasant incident never happened.
• If you can't erase a humiliating situation from your memory, try using visual imagery. In a relaxed state, imagine that your memories and feelings associated with them are washed away by water or blown away by the wind.
• Find some unnecessary object (for example, a cracked plate, an old toy, a broken clock) and put all your negativity into it. Next, this thing must be destroyed.
• If you consider yourself to be a strong person, accumulate negative energy and channel it into action. Your success will certainly block everything negative emotions caused by humiliation.
• Take the situation you have experienced not as a shock, but as life lesson. Carefully analyze what happened to understand its causes. It is also worth developing a behavior strategy that will help you avoid humiliation in the future.

Is it worth it to see a psychologist?

Insulting feelings is not taken seriously by many. However, it can cause serious psychological trauma. It is important to understand that all people are different. Someone will calmly endure the humiliation, someone will come out on their own, and for someone, even the support of loved ones will not be a consolation. In the latter case, you should definitely contact a psychologist. The specialist will help you feel like a full-fledged person again. In addition, a qualified psychologist will give you valuable advice for the future, which will allow you to get out of humiliating situations with dignity.

Cultural and psychological humiliation

Insulting feelings can have a different background. So, cultural humiliation most often takes place. It is aimed at putting a person in an unsightly light in front of others, provoking ridicule and persecution. Most often this concerns some features of appearance, behavior, personal life, and so on.

However, no matter how strong the fear of public condemnation, psychological humiliation is much more terrible. It touches on the state of mind, painful situations and topics. As a result, a person can fall into a deep depression.

How to humiliate a person (not to be taken as a guide to action)?

People are often careless in dealing with each other. They do not even suspect that an imprudently spoken word can cause serious psychological trauma. How to humiliate a person? Much easier than it might seem. The following words and situations are humiliating:

• A demonstrative indication of the obvious. For example: "You need to brush your teeth!", "You need to iron your clothes!", "You can't slurp at the table!" Thus, a person is trying to hint at a low level of intellectual, physical and social development opponent.
• Criticism of the personality of an abstract person, which is actually aimed specifically at the interlocutor. For example: "He who smokes tobacco is a fool!" This is the most harmless example. It is not uncommon for people to touch on personal feelings or more serious situations.
• It would seem that giving advice is harmless and even noble. However, there may be some hidden subtext here. Trying to give useful advice, people often expose the interlocutor in an impartial light or demonstrate intellectual superiority.
• Not only the phrase itself, but also the intonation with which it is said, can humiliate a person. So, a dismissive or arrogant tone can offend, even if some ordinary thing is said.
• Unconstructive criticism that touches on a person's hobbies and beliefs. For example, by claiming that all boxers are mentally retarded, that all artists are alcoholics, and that all musicians are drug addicts, a person is trying to discredit your lifestyle.
• In dealing with a specialist in a particular field, people often praise his competitors. However, this can be seen as a desire to belittle professional quality interlocutor.
• Laughter or jokes during dialogue. A person will undoubtedly be offended by inappropriate laughter that followed a serious and meaningful phrase.
• An unexpected change of topic when the interlocutor is talking about something extremely important to himself. neglect and disrespect.
• Features of appearance - one of the most painful topics. It is very easy to offend a person and cause internal complexes in him, if you point out to him figure flaws or some defects.

Conclusion

It is not easy to survive moral and physical humiliation. If you are faced with such a situation, you need to correctly form your attitude towards it. It should be understood that, trying to offend another, a person first of all humiliates himself. When you understand this, it will be much easier for you to survive an unpleasant situation without sinking into a depressive state.