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Anatoly Nekrasov - maternal love. Anatoly Nekrasov: Motherly love Relations between a man and a woman

Problem parental love, parenting rises in many works and articles. In modern society, as a whole, there is a cult of childhood, which was not typical for past centuries. And sometimes some authors struggle with it. These include the book Mother's love is dedicated to debunking the myths associated with parental feelings. The author is sure that they are overrated.

Description

In the book "Maternal Love", Anatoly Nekrasov notes that parental feelings can harm a person. The first part is devoted to the fact that since the 13th century a tendency has been brewing in society to make motherhood holy. This is being done with the active support of Christianity. At the same time, parents are the most real owners, egoists. Someone treats children quite perversely. As a rule, the most crippling thing for a child is the mother's attitude towards him as "the only light in the window", the main goal of life. This is sometimes worse than the situation when a person does not receive enough love from childhood.

Relations between a man and a woman

The relationship between a man and a woman becomes quite complicated with the birth of a child. The author Anatoly Nekrasov writes in Mother's Love that after this, the male representative in the family is relegated to the background. And the reason lies in maternal love. But in reviews of "Mother's Love" by Nekrasov, readers note that loving man will think about how to pay attention to his woman himself and help her in a difficult period of time for her instead of making demands.

But Nekrasov is sure that in such a situation a man becomes a helpless victim who is not given enough attention. Speaking about maternal love, Nekrasov emphasizes that the feeling of attachment to one's continuation is due to the influence of society and instinct. But in the reviews of Anatoly Nekrasov's book "Maternal Love" it is indicated that the author forgets that feelings for a man are also caused by instinct, and much weaker than in relation to offspring. And if in relation to a man it, as a rule, turns off shortly after the main task of communication between a man and a woman - the continuation of offspring - is completed, then in relation to children, instinct, along with strong affection, persists for life.

According to the author, one of the common reasons for many failures and the negative impact of education on a person is the presence of excessive attention from parents who experience too strong feelings. In the book "Maternal Love" Nekrasov emphasizes that the world is created in such a way that it contains a constant desire for harmony. And if there is a bias somewhere, it becomes a harmful factor in human life. If something is added, something is taken away.

Destructive feelings

Nekrasov included in the content of "Maternal Love" life examples described from his point of view. So, he describes an average family in which the mother controls everything, and the father indulges her. Parents raise their son, giving him a car, defining him in the university. One day he asks for a more expensive car - and then his mother borrows a new BMW. On it, a young man gets into a fatal car accident, taking part in illegal races.

In this case, the mother suffers from own feeling guilt, and also pays off a loan for a wrecked car that was the site of the death of her only child.

The author of "Maternal Love" Anatoly Nekrasov believes that there is a way to avoid such things. He sees the cure in the harmonious development of relationships in a couple and concentration on own life. In the readers' reviews of "Mother's Love" by Nekrasov, many were outraged by the fact that the author considers the relationship between a man and a woman to be primary, despite the fact that with 80% probability these relationships will fall apart within a few years. After all, according to official data, 80% of all marriages in Russia break up. People constantly sort out partners and spouses. Whereas children born remain family members for the rest of their lives.

But summary Nekrasov's "mother's love" is such that a man and a woman, as he believes, must devote all the time to each other. They need to reveal special features in each other - femininity and masculinity.

Reviews

First of all, Anatoly Nekrasov’s reviews of Maternal Love often contain the words that a nulliparous man can easily talk about what a mother should be like, what feelings to experience, because he himself will never experience such feelings in practice. Meanwhile, many women note in the reviews that when they had a child, the father calmly fell asleep at night, and the woman listened to the baby's sigh. She carried him for 9 months, fed him, nature conceived the strongest maternal instinct and attachment to her continuation. All this will never be fully experienced by a man. Therefore, it is easy for him to talk about this without having experienced and without knowing what the feelings of a woman really are.

Also in reviews of the book “Maternal Love” by Nekrasov, it is noted that the work resembles the grumbling of a man who is offended by women. After all, the author blames the female gender for everything. The work contains unsuccessful and far-fetched examples, although it is clear what the author was trying to say. His idea is that excessive love harms a person.

Overprotection negatively affects the child. But he presents all this in a rather strange and illogical form. For example, he talks about an example when a mother gave her son new car. And he, having gone to the races on it, crashed. In the book "Maternal Love" Nekrasov blames the death of an adult young man the mother who bought the car. And this, according to readers, indicates the infantilism of Anatoly. After all, an adult young man himself decided to go to the races and accelerate there to a dangerous speed, and he is to blame for his death.

Also, the author's infantilism is manifested in the fact that he blames the woman, believing that no one owes anything to anyone, but the woman owes. And bear a child in yourself, and then love an outsider more, and build a couple. The author writes about this, presenting men as weak and forgetting why men, primary, exist on Earth.

At the same time, as noted in the reviews of "Maternal Love", if we discard all these negative phenomena, the author's main idea can be traced, which is simply expressed in a rather perverted form through the prism of Anatoly's personal complexes. And it lies in the fact that with a healthy egoism of a mother who takes care of her life, lives with her hobbies, in addition to the child, the latter will be the happiest. And most positively, the formation of children is influenced by a healthy atmosphere in the family, harmonious relationship husband and wife. It's about about genuine mutual support, and not about creating the appearance of what it is. The child will always feel false.

In reviews of Nekrasov's Mother's Love, it is noted that all these thoughts had already been expressed before him, but in a form that offended no one.

Aggressive attacks on mothers run like a red thread through the entire work. In the reviews of Nekrasov's "Maternal Love", everyone notes the failure of the examples he cited. He describes accidents from the position that the mother is to blame. Although much more successful examples could be cited.

Also, in reviews of Nekrasov's "Maternal Love", readers write that the work was written by a man who talks about things that he has never experienced and will not survive, who is arranged completely differently than women, and gives them advice on how to deal with what he does not have concepts. He writes in a masculine style. And that's why it's hard for women to read a book. She makes them defend themselves, and there is no time for the perception of the idea.

Citing quotes from Nekrasov's Mother's Love, many note that the author builds virtually all examples on a description of the relationship between mother and son. And many note that this also traces Anatoly's special complex, associated with his personal problems with maternal love, which he began to project with anger onto women instead of solving them.

Psychological birth

The second part of the work describes the psychological birth. The writer describes in it the idea that many people, even being elderly, continue to be in the “womb” of their mother. As the author believes, the world in this case corrects the situation, "removing" the mother - that is, she dies. But her death is not always able to free the child. He begins to literally pray for the parent. The author also writes that, in an effort to maintain power over the child, the mother is able to hide behind the disease. She can keep children near her, not letting them live their lives.

How to allocate resources

The next chapter of Nekrasov's Mother's Love is briefly described in the form of data on how to allocate resources. The author describes possible approaches to the hierarchy of values. In the first positions for him are personal interests, creative growth, relationships in a couple. Only then, on the next step, are children, parents, work, friends. And if disharmony is observed here, this can lead to problems.

In "Maternal Love" Anatoly Nekrasov talks about the fact that modern man in general, it is common to constantly chase after making money, forgetting about other aspects of life.

So he begins to indulge in slave labor instead of revealing his own talent, which is in every person. Meanwhile, you can earn money by revealing your talent.

Relationships between children and parents

Anatoly Nekrasov devotes the fourth and fifth parts of "Mother's Love" to childhood and attitude towards parents. He considers resentment against ancestors unacceptable. He notes that it is necessary to improve relations with them, noting that it is important to communicate with the father, the lack of male energy leads to failures in the personal life of an adult.

Maturity

IN last chapter this work contains the author's ideas about the maturity of the individual. He points out that by the time of retirement age, a harmonious personality will not come to age crisis but rather to accepting the role of elder in the family.

Wisdom will go to the benefit of posterity. So, Nekrasov believes that the role of grandparents in the upbringing of grandchildren is key, since this is an occupation for mature individuals. Maturity does not occur before the age of forty. The reviews include the opinion that internal maturity has little to do with age.

Public reaction

The work provoked a very strong reaction from society. The majority of readers - about 80% - are female. There are both positive and negative reviews. It is noted that the work is not scientific. There is esotericism in it, and therefore those who initially share the views of the author relate to the work better.

Many note the categorical judgments of Nekrasov on many issues. Critics reacted to the book very angrily and with contempt. It is widely believed that the author took the whole reasonable idea from traditional psychology - the subject of his research is called hyper-custody, and then diluted it with his strange reasoning about non-specific matters.

It is noted that the most severe reviews came from female representatives. This is not surprising, since throughout the book the author proclaims responsibility for both children and her husband, and indeed for the fate of the entire world of women. While men are presented in the book exclusively as victims, this is the case with both sons and husbands.

Because of this disproportion, the author presents himself as an infantile personality, far from the harmony that he himself preaches. It should be noted that there were no reviews that would dispute that excessive love is a negative phenomenon. And the author argues that the problem of overprotection is not understood in society.

On this moment there is a lot of talk about how children suffer when deprived of motherly love. But the other side of the issue is not covered - the suffering of children suffering from excessive feelings of the mother. Meanwhile, almost every family is faced with such a phenomenon.

The presence of excessive feelings in the mother is determined by the complexity of the fate of the children, the lack of realization of the husband, wife, their diseases and alcoholism, the presence of problems in the relationship of spouses.

We are talking about situations where feelings for children become stronger than feelings to yourself and to your spouse. When the child becomes paramount in the mother's hierarchy of values, and the father and she herself are in the background.

Causes this phenomenon lie in the instinct, which is created by nature specifically for the survival of the species. It sometimes overrides even the sense of self-preservation. The mother is capable of much for the sake of the child, she is even capable of going to certain death, saving the cub, and this happens with most living beings. And this is no accident.

The mother may also feel possessive. Sometimes there are female feelings for her son. Such a case often occurs when there is no other male representative in the family, when there is not enough love between the spouses or they have a difficult relationship. In this case, the woman simply projects all the love she has onto her son. Unspent energy in relation to the daughter results in jealousy.

Another reason is pity. And often it is she who replaces the feeling of love. As a rule, pity arises in relation to the sick, the weak. But it keeps them in this state, contributing to further destruction, humiliation. The more a person is pitied, the worse it is for him.

Here the author of "Maternal Love" Nekrasov gives an example. He describes an ordinary family of 3 - father, mother and son. They have an average income, family relations are not bad, there are no quarrels. The son is quite obedient, studies well, does not smoke, is not fond of drugs. His parents are pleased with him, encourage him, and he does not need anything. They decided not to have any more children, but to provide everyone with one. They picked him up and paid for the university, and then bought a car. The son wanted to live with the girl, and the mother said that he would do it when he got married. So the love for the son turned out to be stronger than love to her husband. Relations do not noticeably worsen, but in fact, these normal relationships are fraught with great danger.

The next example given by the author is the birth of a second son who turned out to be sick. Then the mother pays all attention to him, the eldest child and husband remain in the background. And as the sick child received attention, he only got more problems. He fell from the 3rd floor, he was rescued, and his mother gave him her blood during a transfusion. The husband, who was left without attention, began to get sick. Soon the youngest son becomes addicted to drugs and dies. The author emphasizes that when a child is sick, parents should reveal love in their relationship. In the love of parents, recovery will happen much faster. If love in a person is finally revealed, it will be enough for everyone.

In the third example, Nekrasov describes a purposeful woman who solves all issues herself. The main value for her is a child. The father is gentle, he carries out the instructions of his wife. If he objects, he quickly gives in to her. He has not argued for a long time, maintaining a calm atmosphere in the family. But from such a position, he did not become an authority for his son. And the son, looking at him, realized that it was most advantageous to be in such a position. And he began to play by the same rules. He accumulated a lot of energy, and around were the prohibitions of his mother. He became interested in car racing. He competed with the same depressed people who were looking for self-affirmation in amateur racing. Here the son turned into a different personality - aggressive and tough. While driving with his mother, he behaved calmly. He was outwardly decent.

The mother did not notice the duality of her son's condition. Her very values were violated. The son at high speed one day gets into an accident and dies. The author notes at this point that people do not learn from others and their own mistakes. For this reason, children live less than their parents.

Further, Nekrasov notes that mother's love has a blood, long-term connection with the child. And she is strong. And often, under the pressure of maternal love, relationships in a young couple go out. The author believes that for this reason marriages break up.

He encourages women to give their children more independence, to take care of themselves, and not others. It is necessary to put your own happiness first, then there will be changes in children. The older they are, the more “motherly” the maternal feeling becomes. Ownership is getting stronger, aggression appears. And the child, sensing this, tries to keep his distance. This results in conflict. Then the mother starts to get sick in order to bind the children. And then she often begins to exclaim: "I devoted everything to my children." But in fact, behind this is: “I was not able to reveal myself and my love, and therefore I did not create happy life. I chose not the wisest, but easier way - to give my love to children, creating problems for them.

Often, a mother begins to focus on children in order to escape from the lack of meaning in her own life. She builds relationships with them as slaves or as lovers. She seeks to fulfill their whims. In this case, she suppresses the initiative of her own children, developing helplessness in them. Since she tries to do everything for the children, they become capricious appendages of her. And she likes this position. The father becomes superfluous in family relationships. He is trying to get into a fight with children instead of loving his woman and helping her.

This position and behavior of the father is manifested later in the child. The male energy in him will be humiliated, he will begin to attract such events. Male representatives will begin to appear near the girl, who will humiliate her. The man will have a wife who will keep him “under the heel”. A man who was "pushed" in the family has difficulty in realizing himself in society. He does not fly, revealing his own talents, but crawls. A woman is increasingly taking on a leading role, and it is increasingly difficult for him to realize himself. Sometimes it happens that the wife fully reveals her own maternal feelings, and the husband turns into another “child”, and she becomes a “mom” for him. This also creates a lot of problems. The woman herself would open up much better and would be happier if there was a man next to her, and not another "son".

INTRODUCTION

I was riding in a subway car from the theater after watching a well-known play about motherly love, or rather, about its lack. Many have explored the topic: when a mother abandons a child. Yes, this drama occurs in life, but, in fact, this is not the worst misfortune, another drama is much more common, which is not so pronounced and therefore less attention is paid to it: this is when maternal love is manifested in excess, and then it brings people the most problems. That's what I was thinking while sitting in the car.

Late evening, few people. There is a heavy aftertaste in my soul after watching the performance due to the fact that the topic is not really disclosed, despite the fact that the performance has been going on for more than a hundred years and was written by a famous classic. And here the idea of an “alternative” performance began to be born. It's just an idea - without any plans for its implementation. First, I have never considered dramaturgy to be my field. Secondly, the heavy workload of other issues did not allow delving into this topic. Although I immediately felt confident that I could write this performance, since the topic is well known to me, and on the other hand, from a more tragic and larger-scale side.

And suddenly a woman comes in at the bus stop, like two drops of water similar to my old patient! In the same black clothes as many years ago, when she was brought to me. That woman lost her son and for two years she lived, immersed in her grief. She could not see joyful faces - after all, her son had died! It was difficult case- no one could bring her out of this state, and I had only two hours before her departure. I was able to bring her back to life because I understood main reason tragedy, and was able to convey it. And I will remember this incident for the rest of my life.

And so she appeared in the subway car to tell me that the topic is alive and important, and it needs to be revealed and conveyed to people. Of course, it was not the same woman, but very similar to her. I have not been surprised at such creativity of the World for a long time. This was a clear clue to me, and I sat down to work. This is how the chapter "Mother's Love" was written for the book "Living Thoughts".

Several years have passed, and all this time this topic has made itself felt. Many new examples accumulated, I explored this issue even more deeply, and when I was about to write the next book in the World in Me series, a few more signs came that left no doubt about what to write about. In fact, there are many examples of excessive maternal love. Literally, every day. This is truly a mass phenomenon, and when you read this book, you will see what is happening much deeper and will be able to see this problem from all sides.

Well, for example, what is not a sign - the magazine "Seven Days" comes and on the cover it is written in large size: "Olga Ponizova:" I live only for the sake of my son. And it's over a million copies. I already know what this son's life will be like. Well, all right, these are her personal problems, but her worldview is brought out to a huge audience, and it can become an example for many. And nothing is opposed to this, no one will say in the same million copies that she is ruining her son! The TV program “My Family”, which gathers tens of millions of people on TV, also does not consider the destructive influence of excessive maternal love. Almost no one talks about this, except, perhaps, in the special psychological literature, and even then it is not studied in depth enough.

On the day when I was leaving on a “creative business trip” to the city of Ozyory to write a book, I received a letter from the city of S., in which a woman tells that her twelve-year-old son had died. The letter is laced with the woman's grief and shows that she and the boy's father separated five years ago because "he began to abuse alcohol." From the letter one can see great love for his son and great unity with him.

The book “Mother's Love” that I read caused very conflicting feelings. To be honest, she pursued me everywhere - on the Internet, with friends on the shelf, with a girlfriend in a bag, in conversations with my mother, etc. This is how I got to her.
Yes, A. Nekrasov shows us the other side of excessive maternal love. But let's go in order. From his point of view, all the troubles on earth are from this. At the beginning, this is embarrassing and causes protest, but more and more you understand that if this topic is not exaggerated as he does, then ordinary people not understand all the consequences. Yes, he writes about the death of children, too categorically, but it is necessary. So that mothers for a moment imagine the death of their children, stop and, in the end, think, and not as before - continue to love thoughtlessly. For a woman, this is on an instinctive level - she gave birth, which means she needs to be protected (even from her own husband), feed, help (after all, he is a baby, completely helpless). But for some reason, this help, which is unconditional and necessary for a child in the first years of life, stretches over his whole life. As if mothers believe that they can claim to live another life, but in their child (learn to walk again, go to college and even get married).
Of course, it's not good to blame everything on mothers, women who create troubles precisely from excessive love. And to say that the male component took place only at the conception of a child. It is the man who should be the head of the family. And do not hang out at work, with friends, just not in a hurry to go home, where the atmosphere of "clunkery" overshadows all thoughts, deeds, etc. There is a subtle point here. If the husband says that the house is dirty, the woman will be offended / not offended, but will clean up. If the husband says that you are too busy with the child, but forgot about me, the woman will be offended for sure, plus she will get angry and accuse her husband that he does not help her in caring for the child and she does everything herself (forgetting, of course, that the husband brings home money). Those. not every man can find an approach to the instincts of a female possessed, so that being the head of the family to build everything so that the husband-wife relationship is strengthened, and the child grows up in the love of parents who do not pretend to him, because. they have each other.
We come to the conclusion that love, which is actually maternal egoism, is instinctive, thoughtless, unconscious. And in order for a woman to be able to understand this (to see herself from the outside), to give birth and cement a family with this, to raise children and cultivate femininity at the same time, she needs the help of a man who can intelligently direct family life in the right direction.
In addition, it is important to understand after reading that our mothers are not to blame for our such life, that we do not need to blame them for something, but only “understand and forgive”, that it is never too late to change your attitude towards children and grandchildren. Everyone makes mistakes, the main thing is to understand these mistakes in time and stop so as not to harm anyone, including yourself.

Late evening, few people. There is a heavy aftertaste in my soul after watching the performance due to the fact that the topic is not really disclosed, despite the fact that the performance has been going on for more than a hundred years and was written by a famous classic. And here the idea of an “alternative” performance began to be born. Just an idea - without any plans for its implementation. First, I have never considered dramaturgy to be my field. Secondly, the heavy workload of other issues did not allow delving into this topic. Although I immediately felt confident that I could write this performance, since the topic is well known to me, and on the other hand, from a more tragic and larger-scale side.

And suddenly a woman comes in at the bus stop, like two drops of water similar to my old patient! In the same black clothes as many years ago, when she was brought to me. That woman lost her son and for two years she lived, immersed in her grief. She could not see joyful faces - after all, her son died! It was a difficult case - no one could bring her out of this state, and I had only two hours before her departure. I managed to bring her back to life due to the fact that I understood the main reason for the tragedy, and was able to convey it. And I will remember this incident for the rest of my life.

Well, for example, why not a sign - the magazine "Seven Days" comes and on the cover it is written in large size: "Olga Ponizova:" I live only for the sake of my son. And it's over a million copies. I already know what this son's life will be like. Well, all right, these are her personal problems, but her worldview is brought out to a huge audience, and it can become an example for many. And nothing is opposed to this, no one will say in the same million copies that she is ruining her son! The TV program “My Family”, which gathers tens of millions of people on TV, also does not consider the destructive influence of excessive maternal love. Almost no one talks about this, except, perhaps, in the special psychological literature, and even then it is not studied in depth enough.

This letter was last straw, and before that I received a sign of a different kind. In Moscow it was like the First International Congress of Mothers. It was held in the hall of cathedrals of the Cathedral of Christ the Savior. Everything was very solid: the chic hall itself, and many foreign delegations, and representative guests, and serious topics of speeches, and the high status of the forum.

I was invited to speak at this congress, and I decided to declare the theme "Mother's love - back side medals." As I expected, all the speakers were talking about only one side of motherly love, oh great role mother and nobody said anything about female role, nor about the role of men and couples. As if all life consists precisely in motherhood, and it exists as if by itself, without the unity of a man and a woman, without their love. Even an Orthodox priest said in his speech: “But what about the men, where did you put them?”

The professor of psychology, leading the meeting, began to slowly push back my speech, as she was familiar with my report and did not agree with my position. I noticed this and reminded her of myself. Finally, she gives me the floor, prefixing it with these words: “Now I give the floor to a person with whose opinion you will probably disagree, but be patient and listen.” There is no bad without good. Thus, she only aroused interest in my performance and woke up the sleepy audience.

And surprisingly, my words about the enormous harmfulness of excessive maternal love, about the fact that love between parents, and not for a child, should come first in the value system, aroused understanding and a positive reaction from the majority! This made me happy. But the leader did not give up. She put to a vote (an unusual case!) the main postulates of my speech and ended up in the minority - only two people (she and her assistant) in the 1,500-strong audience voted "against"!

I have received confirmation that my research is progressing. right direction that in the depths of consciousness, many understand the other side of the coin of motherly love, only it is necessary to transfer this into the practice of life. This is how this book was born.

The theme of excessive maternal love has global character, only in some peoples it manifests itself weaker, while in others it is stronger, but it is present and gives rise to many problems all over the world. From minor family troubles and divorces, to the death of children and complex social problems and wars - this is the spectrum of situations where the main reason is excessive maternal love.

Do not rush to deny! Read, think, observe life, and you will surely agree with me, and you yourself will find many confirmations of what has been said. And it will change your outlook, and you will become wiser. Well, and most importantly, if you do not deny and creatively approach this topic, then you can change a lot in your life and in the life of your children for the better.

Nekrasov Anatoly - Mother's love - read a book online for free

Abstract

The theme of excessive maternal love is global in nature, only in some nations it manifests itself weaker, while in others it is stronger, but it is present and generates many problems all over the world.

From petty family troubles and divorces to the death of children and complex social problems and wars - this is the spectrum of situations where the main cause is excessive motherly love.

Do not rush to deny!

Read, think, observe life, and you will surely agree with me and you yourself will find many confirmations of what has been said.

Anatoly Nekrasov
Mother's love

INTRODUCTION

Late evening, few people. There is a heavy aftertaste in my soul after watching the performance due to the fact that the topic is not really disclosed, despite the fact that the performance has been going on for more than a hundred years and was written by a famous classic. And here the idea of an “alternative” performance began to be born. Just an idea - without any plans for its implementation. First, I have never considered dramaturgy to be my field. Secondly, the heavy workload of other issues did not allow delving into this topic. Although I immediately felt confident that I could write this performance, since the topic is well known to me, and on the other hand, from a more tragic and larger-scale side.

And suddenly a woman comes in at the bus stop, like two drops of water similar to my old patient! In the same black clothes as many years ago, when she was brought to me. That woman lost her son and for two years she lived, immersed in her grief. She could not see joyful faces - after all, her son died! It was a difficult case - no one could bring her out of this state, and I had only two hours before her departure. I managed to bring her back to life due to the fact that I understood the main reason for the tragedy, and was able to convey it. And I will remember this incident for the rest of my life.

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