home › Brake system › Russian wives in Germany. German wife, German husband: An idea of the national character traits of the Germans Breakfast in German, or why Russian-German marriages are fraught with danger

Russian wives in Germany. German wife, German husband: An idea of the national character traits of the Germans Breakfast in German, or why Russian-German marriages are fraught with danger

Marriage with a foreigner has long been no surprise. A wife or husband of a different nationality, religion or skin color is not perceived as an alien from another galaxy. The main thing is that there is harmony and love in the couple. If two people love each other, they naturally compromise to make their spouse happy.

The Germans, like any other nationality, have their own characteristics. They are calm, unhurried, strictly adhere to the established routine and are friendly. However, the general idea of national features character will help smooth out the period of getting used to the peculiarities of the mentality.

If the husband is German...

German is no different from other representatives male on Earth, with the exception of those qualities that are absorbed with mother's milk. They are practical, their life is strictly ordered and every step in their life is the result of a sober calculation. Family life becomes attractive for Germans by the age of 35-40, i.e. when the character is already fully formed. Of course, for the sake of the woman he loves, a spouse can change his attitude to some things, but the main "Ordnung muss sein" remains unchanged.

1. Men in Germany brought up on the principles of gender equality, so if you want to open the door for you - say so.

2. Rules set once is an unshakable foundation family life. Punctuality and clarity in everything. Daily schedule, clear distribution of responsibilities around the house. Meetings with friends, shopping, communication with relatives, the menu - everything is regulated.

3. Rules, according to German men, help to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings.

5. Germans are romantic their attitude is manifested not in words, but in deeds.

6. Germans value education, therefore, they are impressed by women who are able to support a conversation on any topic.

7. For a German husband, cooking, cleaning or any other household chores are not a threat to authority or male pride.

8. German for all questions answer directly and specifically, without allegory.

9. Germans appreciate sincerity, sense of humor and sociability.

10. German men, like everyone else, they love to be admired. But this should not be crude flattery or a general enthusiastic attitude. It should concern specific features or traits of character.

If the wife is German...

german women No wonder they are considered the most emancipated women on the planet. They are educated, self-sufficient and aimed at achieving certain goals. In the first place is a career, marriage becomes interesting by the age of 30-40. The choice of a partner is reserved and they prefer to be judged not by appearance, but by other qualities, primarily for education, success and financial independence.

1. German women are reserved and conservative, Appearance for them is first of all comfort and only then elegance.

2. German women live for their own pleasure, without thinking about marriage until 35. A family is created only after verification by a civil marriage.

3. Taking care of the household, children and life is always divided equally. A full-fledged housewife from a German is obtained only if, after the birth of a child, she completely quit her job.

4. German women are economical, practical and frugal. In the family, the spouses have a separate account and their own responsibilities for paying bills, including clothes and all kinds of little things. All this without deviation from the established routine.

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Society >> customs

"Partner" №12 (147) 2009

Breakfast in German, or why Russian-German marriages are fraught with danger.

Daria Boll-Palievskaya (Dusseldorf)

“Imagine, I am alone here, no one understands me,” Pushkin's Tatyana Larina wrote in her famous letter to Onegin.

Probably, many Russian women who married Germans could subscribe to these sad lines. Why do mutual misunderstandings often occur in Russian-German marriages? Usually in such families the husband is German and the wife is Russian. This means that it is the wife who finds herself in a cultural environment alien to her. After the first stages, typical for all people who find themselves abroad (admiration, then culture shock), everyday life begins. It seems that all the misadventures with the German departments are over, the language has been mastered in one way or another (we will not touch on language issues, because this is a separate and very important topic), life goes on as usual. Yes, that's just something she goes, as they say, "someone else's" turn.

Thousands of little things that for a German are things for granted, because he grew up with them, are not familiar to a Russian woman, they are not clear. And precisely because german husband perceives the reality around him as something absolutely normal, it does not occur to him that his Russian wife should be “guided” through a new way of life for her, in figuratively, by the hand, explaining his world, his rules of the game.

All of us are characterized by the so-called "naive realism". That is, it seems to us that in the world there are only such orders that we have, and everyone who lives somehow differently is perceived by us either as narrow-minded or as ill-mannered people. Well, for example, in Germany it is customary to smear a bun with butter and only then put cheese or sausage on it. But it would never occur to an Italian to spread butter on ciabatta bread to put salami on it. Thus, it seems to the German that the Italian is eating the “wrong” sandwich and vice versa. Or in Russia it is customary to wash dishes under running water from the tap (for those who do not have dishwashers, of course), and the German will first pour a full sink of water and wash the dishes in it. For Russians, such dishwashing is a fuss in dirty water, and the German will faint, seeing how the Russians squander water. From such, it would seem, trifles, everyday life is woven. And these little things can spoil it, lead to quarrels.

A German husband, getting to know his wife's relatives, who introduce themselves to him by name, immediately addresses them as you. Wife: “How can you poke my uncle, because he is 25 years older than you!” But the German did something, based on his cultural standards, quite right. If people wanted to be told "you", they would give their last name, he argues.

The Russian wife, about to go to her birthday, did not think to pack a gift. Husband: “Who gives a book just like that, without a beautiful wrapper!” Here the wife proceeds from her habits. A husband blows his nose into a handkerchief so loudly on public transport that his Russian wife blushes. A Russian wife, after ten o'clock in the evening, calls her German acquaintances, her husband reproaches her for bad manners. And for her, this is nothing unusual. In Russia, people, one might say, only begin to live after ten in the evening, or rather hang on their phones. The husband is going to take out expensive insurance against unprofessional unsuitability, but the wife sees no point in this and insists on buying new car. After all, we are used to living for today and do not like to think about the future. Such examples could be given endlessly.

Later, with the advent of children, conflicts related to upbringing may arise between spouses. A Russian mother cooks porridge for the baby for breakfast, the husband is horrified: “What kind of scumbag is this? A healthy breakfast is yogurt and muesli! That's what a child needs!" A German husband takes a child for a walk in bad weather, without a hat or scarf. Then it’s the turn of the Russian wife to be indignant: “Do you want the child to catch pneumonia?” Going to parent meeting kindergarten, the wife preens and puts on an elegant dress. Husband: “Why are you dressing so beautifully, we’re only going to kindergarten?”

How to get out of the vicious circle? Is any Russian-German marriage doomed to divorce? Of course not. "All happy families similar to each other, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way,” wrote Leo Tolstoy. To paraphrase the classic, we can probably say that all the so-called mixed Russian-German marriages are similar to each other, because they face very similar problems, they experience comparable conflicts.

The difference in cultural standards, on the one hand, is fraught with a special danger, but, on the other hand, enriches marriage, makes it interesting, unusual. Only for this it is necessary to get rid of two extremes. First, do not explain all the causes of family troubles by the fact that one of the spouses is a foreigner. When insulting generalizations are made from the private and spread to the whole nation, this will not help the cause. If a Russian wife begs her husband to buy an expensive car, this is no reason to say that "all Russians are throwing money away." And if the husband asks to make sure that the lights are turned off in the apartment, you don’t have to tell him that “typical German miserliness” has woken up in him.

Secondly, one must be very attentive to one's cultural roots. The fact is that a husband and wife often think that they quarrel because they “did not agree on the characters,” meanwhile, it is their different cultures interfere with understanding each other. So explain to your husbands why you do something this way and not otherwise. Ask them to explain their actions as well.

“Somehow we rented an apartment on the Baltic Sea on vacation. When the owner handed over the keys to us, I asked him how we should separate the garbage. When he left, my German husband laughed to tears: “My Russian wife is puzzled by the correct sorting of garbage!” But I always ridiculed the pedantry of the Germans in this matter, but here I myself did not notice how I adopted the rules of the game. On the same day, my husband, grilling excellent kebabs according to all the rules of art, indignantly told me how some “Besserwisser” made a remark to him about the fact that he had parked incorrectly: “What kind of manner is this to teach others and point out how they live. Who cares how I park. Philistines! On this day, it became especially clear to me that we learned a lot from each other and that nothing is scary in our marriage, ”my Russian friend with 15 years of marriage told me.

“All people are the same, only their habits are different,” said Confucius. Now, if we learn to accept the habits of another person, and not impose our own on him, and on the other hand, we agree to accept the "foreign charter", then the Russian-German family can become an example to follow.

I have been living in Germany for 20 years, and I still compare how it was “there” and how it is “here”. You compare not only life, but also people, their manners, customs, behavior. Today I would like to compare Russians and Germans a little. We already know Russian women well, and we won’t talk much about them in this “confession”. Let's open the curtain a little and watch the Germans. Who are they and how do they differ from Russian women. I leafed through newspapers and magazines, and this is what I read in them about German women.

There is an opinion among Russian women that German women cannot compete with them in terms of attractiveness, taste, housekeeping, homeliness and love for comfort. Say, the Germans do not shine with beauty at all, they treat children coolly and in general - every one of them is a feminist. Certainly, german women according to their views, habits and life positions significantly different from Russian women. Most modern German women are very reserved and conservative in fashion. They prefer convenience in everything, which is why it is popular in Germany sport style clothes for women of all ages.

Most German women will not spend every last cent on buying branded clothes or on taking care of their beloved, which is very typical of Russian women. Clothing, according to the German, is needed first of all, only in order to comfortably cover parts of the body from weather phenomena. Practicality is their main criterion when choosing clothes. And yet, a small percentage of German women still try to look elegant.

Germans do not like showing off, even wealthy women tend to dress in a restrained way so as not to stand out from the crowd, so that no one admits the thought that they are deliberately trying to demonstrate to others their high level prosperity.

It is not uncommon to see a smartly dressed German woman in years riding a bicycle. For Russia, such a picture seems like a caricature, for the Germans it is quite a common occurrence. When going to the cinema, to visit, for a walk in the park or in a cafe with friends, a German woman will most often put on her favorite jeans and a pullover.

Having married Germans, Russian girls do not adopt the manners of German women, they continue to diligently embellish themselves, which often causes bewildered glances of the indigenous inhabitants of Germany.

Manicures and pedicures are done by many Germans themselves, foot care salons are visited most often by older ladies. Glued and painted nails business card immigrant women. Local residents turn to a beautician only if they have their own good earnings and real skin problems. Solariums in Germany are becoming less and less, because almost everyone already knows about their undeniable harm.

Germans may not paint and choose clothes strictly according to the color composition, but clean hair and a good haircut are sacred and visiting a hairdresser once every 2 months or more is the main component of personal care.
Life for your own pleasure is the motto of modern German girls and women. They study, get acquainted, meet, travel, and practically none of them thinks about creating a family until the age of thirty-five. The creation of a family begins with an open relationship in which the couple lives for several years before deciding to get married and create a real family hearth. It is not uncommon in Germany to see a Russian woman walking with her grandson on the playground, and a German woman of the same age with her first child.

Due to the desire to start a family only in adulthood, German women often remain unmarried and without children. If a woman gives birth to a child out of wedlock, no one in German society will have even a shadow of condemnation, this is a purely personal decision, and there is nothing immoral for German society in this. Standing firmly on their feet, German women boldly go through life, knowing that with the appearance or departure of a man, there will be no strong shocks in their lives.
Germans do not wait for a meeting with a handsome prince who will ensure their life, put their houses on a pedestal and solve all everyday problems. Relationships where a partner earns much more are considered equivalent in Germany, because for a German woman there is nothing worse than dependence on a man. A partner in a relationship for a German woman is not a lifesaver for all troubles and problems, but a person with whom it is comfortable to live.

If a German woman started a family, then this was a thoughtful step and there would be a minimum of disagreement with her life partner, because both had enough time to study each other before getting married. It goes without saying that young spouses live separately from their parents, the cohabitation of newlyweds with their parents in Germany is completely unacceptable. Sometimes parents can rent out one floor in their house to a young family, but running a joint household is out of the question.

German women are very practical. In understanding Russian man such "practicality" is nothing but avarice, at least - the absence of generosity. But German women have been brought up this way since childhood, so the scrupulous pragmatism of her husband is perceived by them as completely normal. If both spouses work in the family, then each spouse will have his own bank account and each will have his own obligations for payments. The German woman never plays a passive financial role in the family. A woman here earns money not only “for pins”, but also for the family.

They try to raise children in a German family as independent individuals from childhood, but at the same time they are not spoiled at all, as Russian mothers like to do. In a German family, it is not customary to yell at children, and even a one-year-old baby is given whole lectures when he misbehaves or does something that is not supposed to.

Germans are very fond of traveling, and they do not refuse this pleasure, even with a baby in their arms. Family travel is a favorite pastime for German women during the holidays.

German women are free from inferiority complexes about their appearance. They are content with what nature has given them and do not suffer if the parameters of the figure do not meet some fashionable standards.

German women do not see the only meaning of their lives in marriage and motherhood, they do not prefer sexually aggressive fashion, they do not strive to emphasize their breasts with all their might.

A tiny percentage of German women suffer from shopaholics. They don't spend hours choosing what to wear and how brightly they put on makeup. They do not wear uncomfortable but beautiful shoes on a date and do not pretend for the sake of a man that they like football. They are not 24 hours a day and 7 days a week in "combat readiness" for a meeting with " the perfect man". A German woman is not familiar with the fear of appearing in front of her boyfriend or husband without makeup, believing that makeup changes a woman beyond recognition.
Most German women associate an expensive gift from a man with the superiority of a man and an attempt to impose obligations on her.

You can see all sorts of German women in Germany, pretty and not so pretty, but many of them are actively involved in sports. Yes, they can be very simply dressed, not use decorative cosmetics at all, but being “fit” is highly valued.

German ladies' fashion differs from city to city. In big southern cities such as Munich or Stuttgart, you can see a lot of brightly and exquisitely dressed women. The picture changes as you move north and in the towns on the North Sea coast, women dress up less and less, preferring a sporty and very sober style, consisting of a unisex jacket, trousers and practical shoes. The exception is Hamburg, the capital of media faces and avant-garde German fashion.

German women cannot imagine their life without work. Work is not only a way to earn money, but also a woman's place in society, the meaning of her life, self-development and self-realization. Sitting at home and preparing meals for a German woman for her husband is worse than any nightmare. After the birth of a child, she will look for an opportunity to go to work as soon as possible so as not to degrade and turn into service staff. Often, who will sit with the child is decided not only on the basis of gender (a man can also take parental leave in Germany). Almost every German woman plans a family budget. If the statistical office asks her - how much did you spend on food or clothes this month? Most likely, she will be able to provide the exact amount.

At work, German women demand equality with men, do not tolerate discrimination, shake hands at a meeting and master male professions.
Surprisingly, it was in Germany that women were held hostage by the three "Ks": "Kinder" (children), "Kueche" (kitchen), "Kirche" (church). The role of a housewife, who could not afford to study, work, participate in elections and even drive a car, which was once so hopeless for German women, launched a process of pronounced emancipation. Now a woman is a full-fledged, equal to a man member of society.

There is a saying in Germany that a Slav woman smells like pies, and a German woman smells like a calculator. Well, what can you do, such is life here, often emotions remain outside of calculations and tax papers.

Despite all the cultural, material, spiritual and physical differences between Germans and Russians, both of them remain women. It is unlikely that a typical German woman and a typical Russian will become best friends, but with the advent of Russian women in Germany, the image of a German woman began, in some way, to change. We must look at the world from different angles, find new interesting people and break stereotypes.

Knowing the laws is the duty of every sane woman who is going to marry a foreigner, and even more so if she is already abroad. It is better to get acquainted with the laws of the country of the future spouse even before moving to the West: to clearly know not only your duties, but also civil rights.

My age (40-plus) and my personal 12-year experience of living in Germany with a West German give me, in my opinion, the moral right to try to warn Russian brides who marry abroad in advance, to advise them to seek legal help, to be savvy in certain issues that will later be faced in the country of her husband. You may need to seek advice or legal assistance based on your personal situation. Having entered the III stage of the struggle for equality (feminism was the second “wave”), German women and foreign women who moved to Germany at least ten years ago achieved such big victories that Russian, American or French wives can envy them (although France and the USA claim to be super-democracy). Behind last decade in Germany, for example, there are many printed publications in Russian, in which there are answers from qualified Russian-speaking lawyers specializing in the problems of emigrants, including foreign wives of German spouses. Brochures have been published in Russian reflecting the problems of emigrants of various statuses.

Unfortunately, the Russian mentality and the common habit of Russian citizens - to save on the services of a qualified lawyer, that is, on the vital: personal safety and security, subsequently leads to big problems, the solution of which will require a lot of emotional and financial investments. But many problems can be avoided if you have information, clearly know and understand the law.

Russian brides who go abroad to marry are, as a rule, illiterate in legal matters, drugged by a quick “victory” and extremely self-confident. Often, it is they who face problems after marriage (especially if the question of divorce arises). However, a chain of obstacles and misunderstandings may arise already at the stage of preparation for the wedding. During my stay in Germany, I learned more than one similar story.

Among Western women (especially educated German women) it is rare to find those who, having decided to marry a foreigner, do not first turn to a lawyer or a lawyer specializing in international marriages.

About the marriage contract

In Russia, the marriage contract has not yet taken root, it is considered some kind of vicious deal. As a rule, it is not customary to talk about this, being at the candy-bouquet stage and even before marriage. Many people naively believe that nothing bad will ever happen to me. This is again the Russian mentality.

And I thought so, leaving at the dawn of perestroika to live in Germany, where I later met my husband. But having lived for some time abroad, I learned a lot and today I am convinced that a marriage contract is required document upon marriage. This is especially true if you marry a foreigner.

No sane Western woman would marry without a marriage contract. After all, this document is a vital insurance for yourself and future children.

Marriage contracts are such a common thing here in the West that there are even online samples, that is, templates of this document. But I think it's not worth saving money to go to a consultation with a lawyer who can explain all the pros and cons, based on a particular situation.

Dear ladies, if the future foreign spouse in every possible way resists drawing up a marriage contract, you should think about its reliability! Because, in many countries, for example, in Germany, the conclusion of this agreement between spouses is as common as brushing your teeth. By the way, German law provides for the invalidation of a marriage contract if it takes into account the interests of only one of the parties, for example. German spouse. So the law will protect you, dear ladies, the main thing is to be able to use it.

If you are already in the status of a “foreign wife”, you have had troubles in your family, but you are not yet officially divorced from your German husband and live with him in the same living space, be aware that in this case the German husband must pay for a lawyer’s consultation . This provision applies if the spouse does not work and therefore does not have her own income. Often, one letter from a lawyer is enough to “put in place” a rowdy husband, a presumptuous scoundrel. If a divorce is inevitable, in Germany, alimony is paid not only for joint children, but also for the former spouse, regardless of her citizenship.

This is the main difference between the consequences of divorce in Germany and Russia. In general, the Western spouse (especially german wife) is more protected by law than Russian woman, where in the event of violence from the side of the husband, you won’t even wait for the police, because the operational squad does not leave for family quarrels. The Russian proverb “Darlings scold, only amuse” rules here.

Someone may object that only German women or German citizens are protected by law, however, this is not so. There is in Germany the Aliens Act, which regulates the rights and obligations of foreign citizens, as well as the Residence Act, which prescribes the procedure for the stay of foreign citizens in Germany, including foreign wives.

I recommend that you familiarize yourself with these laws before leaving Russia. You must clearly understand what the law regulates in relation to you. After all, for example, in Germany, the termination of marital relations during probationary period leads to the deprivation of the temporary residence permit of the foreign partner.

In Germany, the Domestic Violence Protection Act works well. Enough in critical situation dial the telephone number of the German police - 110. There are shelters for women who have been subjected to domestic violence, where you can temporarily hide from the claims of a rowdy husband.

By the way, the money for the maintenance of the runaway spouse (and children) is deducted from the income of her German spouse.

In short, very important information for those women who managed to acquire a common child with a German citizen. If there is a situation where the husband threatens to take the child away, remember that German law (unlike the law of France or some US states) guards the interests of the child, regardless of what nationality, citizenship, race or religious beliefs his mother.

When marrying a foreigner, ask your lawyer the following important questions: how not to lose the right to raise a child in the event of a divorce? Is pocket money legally allowed for a non-working spouse? and does your working foreign spouse have the right not to contribute some part of the money to the family budget (both are accepted in Germany, for example)? Knowing these details will save you a lot of trouble.

Tying yourself by marriage with a foreigner, you should not be guided only by the desire to change the situation or the country. Even before marriage, I recommend finding out what kind exists living wage for a particular country and what income your fiancé has, given the fact that at first you are unlikely to have the opportunity to get a job, especially without knowing a foreign language at the right level. And it may turn out that a woman who is accustomed to a certain, not the lowest standard of living in Russia, may, due to her husband's low income, find herself abroad in significantly worse conditions.

Our Russian girls are very well versed in chats, forums and websites. They clearly know where to meet foreign suitors; they are fluent in flirting and the art of seduction at resorts, catching another victim on the net, but for some reason they forget to contact a lawyer or lawyer to get legal information regarding marriage in a particular country.

I think it's much better to prevent problems than to solve them later. Set yourself up only for the positive, but remember that no one is immune from divorce.

During the 12 years of my life in Bavaria, I had the opportunity to communicate with many mixed families. I can say with confidence that, basically, these families have taken place: some of them live in harmony for many years, and some have just begun to build their relationship. But harmony in the family of a young girl or a mature woman who has married a foreigner is obtained only when she strives to “rise” to the level at which her husband is. After all, the status of a foreign spouse is determined not as in Russia, only by the presence big money, but by his position in society, mainly by profession or position.

In order to get married and feel on an equal footing with your spouse, you need to be a person yourself.

In conclusion, I want to give some advice to women seeking to marry abroad:

Acquire a universal profession in your homeland or be ready for further study or retraining.
Do not be lazy in your country to get additional education, which may come in handy in a new country for you. For example, to complete paid one- or two-year courses in a promising specialty for the country you want to travel to. After all, Russian diplomas of higher education need to be confirmed abroad, but for less skilled work where it is easier to get a job, average is enough special education or skills acquired in courses, as well as knowledge of the language at the required level.
Learn foreign language in advance. Try to find a good teacher or courses. Before leaving, take grammar books, textbooks, dictionaries with you.
Try to get a driver's license before leaving, it will be very useful to you, you will be able to move independently and not depend on your husband.
Be legally savvy, at least in matters of citizenship and family, as well as employment. Remember, ignorance of the law is no excuse.

Society >> customs

"Partner" №12 (147) 2009

Breakfast in German, or why Russian-German marriages are fraught with danger.

Daria Boll-Palievskaya (Dusseldorf)

“Imagine, I am alone here, no one understands me,” Pushkin's Tatyana Larina wrote in her famous letter to Onegin.

Thousands of little things that for a German are things for granted, because he grew up with them, are not familiar to a Russian woman, they are not clear. And precisely because the German husband perceives the reality around him as something absolutely normal, it does not occur to him that his Russian wife should be “led” through a new way of life for her, in a figurative sense, by the hand, interpreting his world, his rules of the game .

All of us are characterized by the so-called "naive realism". That is, it seems to us that in the world there are only such orders that we have, and everyone who lives somehow differently is perceived by us either as narrow-minded or as ill-mannered people. Well, for example, in Germany it is customary to smear a bun with butter and only then put cheese or sausage on it. But it would never occur to an Italian to spread butter on ciabatta bread to put salami on it. Thus, it seems to the German that the Italian is eating the “wrong” sandwich and vice versa. Or in Russia it is customary to wash dishes under running water from the tap (for those who do not have dishwashers, of course), and the German will first pour a full sink of water and wash the dishes in it. For Russians, washing dishes like this is a fuss in dirty water, and a German will faint when he sees how Russians squander water. From such, it would seem, trifles, everyday life is woven. And these little things can spoil it, lead to quarrels.

The Russian wife, about to go to her birthday, did not think to pack a gift. Husband: “Who gives a book just like that, without a beautiful wrapper!” Here the wife proceeds from her habits. A husband blows his nose into a handkerchief so loudly on public transport that his Russian wife blushes. A Russian wife, after ten o'clock in the evening, calls her German acquaintances, her husband reproaches her for bad manners. And for her, this is nothing unusual. In Russia, people, one might say, only begin to live after ten in the evening, or rather hang on their phones. The husband is going to take out expensive insurance against unprofessional unsuitability, but the wife sees no point in this and insists on buying a new car. After all, we are used to living for today and do not like to think about the future. Such examples could be given endlessly.

Later, with the advent of children, conflicts related to upbringing may arise between spouses. A Russian mother cooks porridge for the baby for breakfast, the husband is horrified: “What kind of scumbag is this? A healthy breakfast is yogurt and muesli! That's what a child needs!" A German husband takes a child for a walk in bad weather, without a hat or scarf. Then it’s the turn of the Russian wife to be indignant: “Do you want the child to catch pneumonia?” Going to the parent-teacher meeting in kindergarten, the wife preens and puts on an elegant dress. Husband: “Why are you dressing so beautifully, we’re only going to kindergarten?”

How to get out of the vicious circle? Is any Russian-German marriage doomed to divorce? Of course not. “All happy families are alike, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way,” wrote Leo Tolstoy. To paraphrase the classic, we can probably say that all the so-called mixed Russian-German marriages are similar to each other, because they face very similar problems, they experience comparable conflicts.

Secondly, one must be very attentive to one's cultural roots. The fact is that a husband and wife often think that they quarrel because they “did not agree on the characters,” while it is their different cultures that make it difficult to understand each other. So explain to your husbands why you do something this way and not otherwise. Ask them to explain their actions as well.

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