There is only one person who is able to lead fate - you yourself. It is foolish to sit in anticipation of the impossible, one must achieve success, act, be decisive, show fortitude. It happens that circumstances are against us, what to do? The answer is simple:

1. do not despair;
2. never give up;
3. set goals for yourself;
4. fight for your happiness no matter what.

Agree, every person at least once suffered from depression, stress, misunderstanding or betrayal, he wanted peace, a quick solution to the problem. Alas, we must perceive the realities as they are. Until there is determination, there is nowhere to take results.

You can get rid of any obstacle and it is necessary to do it with enthusiasm, understanding that obstacles change thinking, make us stronger, wiser, more demanding.

To every trouble in life one should seek individual approach, which depends on many factors: goals, values, priorities, etc.

Sometimes it seems that there is no way out, making the right decision is an impossible task. But life goes on, and it's much better to be an active participant in it than to just sit and suffer constantly, and then get angry at yourself because of missed opportunities. Difficulties make it possible to enjoy joys, victories, accept defeats, adapt to changes.

So how to take the right decision and have no regrets? This is what will be discussed in the article.

The main thing is motivation

Change not for others, do not prove anything to anyone, just be conscious of the opportunity to motivate yourself correctly. Understand why it is needed, what are the ways to implement the plan, then even a difficult decision will be easier.

The most stubborn and responsible one who really wants to achieve results understands that he simply has no right to give up.

In fact, motive is an impetus to action. If arguments can be made, then this can no longer be attributed to spontaneity and thoughtlessness, which means that there is no risk of harm.

It is important to analyze your own thoughts, if in doubt - think carefully, take your time.

Let's set an example

If a girl is overweight and dreams of perfect figure, then it is reasonable to take an example from athletes. You can seek advice from a nutritionist, and not starve yourself in a panic, ruin your health.

Motivation is great, but it needs to be real, helping you make difficult decisions, not creating more trouble.

trust your intuition

As a rule, it is better not to make an important decision in a hurry, you need to think, weigh all the pros and cons, but if you need to decide quickly, do as you originally intended.

Usually the subconscious tells us the correct option. What comes to mind first, often works with a bang.

The more we think, the more questions and doubts appear.

1. Never bring yourself to nervous exhaustion.
2. Don't suffer.
3. Learn not to delay solving a problem.
4. Act harmoniously, perceive what is happening without panic.

Before trusting your intuition, think about whether you or someone you know has been in such a situation before, is it possible to predict the outcome, is there enough experience and knowledge to independently determine the difficulties that have arisen?

Use Descartes' Square

There is a simple scheme proposed by Rene Descartes that will simplify the task of making the right decisions.

For example, we think about changing jobs, but we are afraid that we will screw up. Let's plunge into reality and determine how adequate thoughts visit our heads.

• It is correct not to dwell on one of the parties, but to analyze the act with its possible consequences.

It is best to work with the square in writing. Detailed written answers will push you to the right decision without a doubt.

• What does a Descartes square look like:

For all four questions, it is worth giving extensive statements that will help you stay in the same job or quit, break up or continue the relationship with the person. We need to find arguments in order to convince ourselves, to understand how strong values, goals, desires, priorities are.

There is always at least one person who is involved in our lives and is ready to help.

From the outside, a friend can consider the same situation, only calmer, reason more sensibly. It is easier for everyone when it concerns us indirectly.

If there is no such person, imagine that they came to you for help with such a problem, then you will be able to show calmness and a cold mind.

Decide on your priorities

When it comes to something serious, you should forget about the opinion of the masses, inheritance, collective intelligence.

1. You cannot be negligent, lack of independence, manage your life without the help of outsiders, show your ideas, and do not chase what is in trend.
2. Don't let people impose anything on you. Everyone is different by nature, each has its own purpose.

Based on the character, morality, values, hobbies, field of activity, priorities should be formed. We get what is close to us and makes us rejoice.

The morning is wiser than the evening

For some reason, the brightest thoughts visit at night. Naturally, no cherished insight will happen in the morning, but by delaying the moment a little, you can make a worthwhile decision. It will be rethought several times and with a logical conclusion.

Emotions aside

Always make the final decision yourself. Do not try to push the responsibility away, to protect yourself from the problem instead of trying to solve it. Do not rely on luck or happy coincidence. Take responsibility for everything that happens in life.

Remember: Life position an outsider is a way of existence “as long as no one touches it”.

Emotions are life, but you always have to take over and be able to manage them. In the heat of the moment, you can do such things that you will have to regret for a long time.

Fighting doubt is the most difficult thing that a successful entrepreneur has to deal with every day: accept or not an offer, take an order or refuse, invest money in a project or not. Sometimes, this kind of doubt helps to make the right choice and not lose money, but what if it interferes with doing business? Understand yourself and find the answer to the question “What to do when you can’t make a decision?” advice from psychologists.

Faced with the inability to choose between alternatives, you need to understand the root cause that prevents you from making a decision. Observe the situation from the outside, think about other solutions, or just relax: very often, what at first seemed like a difficult and difficult task is easily solved with a “fresh” head. For example, if you are concerned about the question of where to take money, then after thinking carefully, you will find a solution to this problem, including borrowing money - zajmy.kz.

A lot of mistakes are made because people are used to making decisions based on the voice of reason, forgetting about the presence of a "sixth" sense. When a person acts according to the dictates of the heart, he does not have black stripes, and all his decisions are correct, and he will never regret them.

Are you ready to make the final choice, but you need to compromise with your conscience? Refuse such a decision and try to find another way out, because. You still will not get moral satisfaction from the implementation of your plan. And remember: human mind used to looking for the easiest solution. But if you have to solve a difficult, confusing situation, the answer does not lie on the surface, and in order to find the right solution, you need to scroll through hundreds of combinations and variations in your head.

It is doubt that becomes a stumbling block for the implementation of projects that could bring a consistently high income. Just imagine what would happen if Steve Jobs doubted the advisability of developing computer technology, or if Bill Gates for some reason refused to create the Windows operating system?

The ability to understand the inevitability of choice distinguishes a successful businessman from hired workers, because starting a business involves independently resolving any situations: from minor conflicts between subordinates to a choice strategic development companies. That is why many decisions have to be made under the heading "so it should be."

When the choice is made, there is not so much left: to realize the plan. But even at this stage, you may be "in wait" for doubt. What to do to avoid this? If you set this question psychologists, they will offer 2 alternatives:

1. Imagine that instead of the chosen course of action, you have chosen the worst case scenario. What could happen in such a case? This practice will help you Once again make sure of the fidelity decision.

2. Twist in your imagination, like a slide, the positive moments that the implementation of the chosen solution will give you. This will help you clearly understand the ultimate goal for which your entire company is working.

There comes a time in everyone's life when they have to make a difficult decision. How to make the right decision when in doubt? What direction of study to choose? The partner with whom I am now will not disappoint me in the future, do I have love with him for life? Should I accept the offer or can I find more interesting work? These are just some of the dilemmas most of us face.

The choice of what to buy - apples or pears, seems insignificant compared to decisions whose consequences can affect a lifetime. How can you be sure that you are making the right decisions? How to avoid internal dissonance, the impression that the option you gave up might be better than the one you chose? How to make difficult decisions?

Decision-making methods

Two decision-making strategies are mainly used - heuristics and algorithms. Thinking algorithmically, a person carefully studies and analyzes, compares the pros and cons of a particular option. Heuristics saves us time because it appeals to emotions, intuitions, preferences, internal beliefs, without "calculation".

It seems that in the case difficult choice it is wiser to think things over carefully several times before making a final decision. Meanwhile, people are very often guided by their hearts rather than their minds - even in the case of making decisions that affect their entire life (for example, when choosing a life partner). How to understand what is best for us in this situation?

Depending on the rank of the problem, a person usually uses from 1 to 3 decision-making strategies. What methods are used to make life choices?

1. Obtaining information from others

When you do not know what to decide on, you often use the support of loved ones, friends, family. Are you consulting, looking for Additional information. If you need to make a difficult decision, you should consult with others, ask what they would do in a similar situation. Brainstorming, sharing opinions with others helps to look at the problem with new point vision.

2. Postponing a decision in time

If no one and nothing helps, take your time with the choice, give yourself time. You may temporarily not feel strong enough to make decisions that could affect your entire life. Postponing a decision until later can be a good idea, because during this time new facts may be discovered that will help make a choice. But it is important not to put it off indefinitely, in the end you need to decide.

3. Eliminate the worst options

When you have several different options and you do not know which one to prefer, make a choice, excluding what seems to be the worst and least interesting. At the end of such a screening, there will be a better alternative.

4. Choosing the lesser evil

The choice is not always between good-better or good-worse: you have to choose between two not the most attractive options. How do you choose between two equally unpleasant alternatives?

You need to choose what carries less potential negative consequences and come to terms with the decision. There are things that we simply cannot influence. Therefore, sometimes it is easier to accept the need to make a decision with bad consequences than to make such a choice.

5. Before you choose, analyze

This is a strategy related to algorithmic thinking. List the pros and cons of each of the alternatives and choose the one that has more positive consequences. In other words, a balance is drawn up of the gains and losses associated with choosing one option and rejecting the other. However, such a cold calculation is not always possible, because sometimes emotions take precedence over reason.

6. Act on the spur of the moment

Sometimes there is neither time nor opportunity to consider the proposals received for a long time. Then you need to make a decision spontaneously, immediately, on a hot hand. In this case, it is better to trust your instinct, inner voice. Not always, guided by emotions, we act recklessly. In retrospect, this turns out to be the right decision, so trust yourself and your intuition.

7. Descartes square

One of the most efficient and simple ways make a difficult decision. You are invited to analyze any situation or problem with different points vision. To make the right decision, answer four questions by looking at the figure below.

Be careful when answering the fourth question, because your brain will try to ignore the double negative and try to answer like the first one. Don't let this happen!

Why is this method so effective? When you are in a situation that requires you to accept difficult decision, you often get stuck at the first point - what happens if that happens? However, Descartes' square allows us to look at the problem in many ways and make a carefully considered and informed choice.

8. PMI Method

How to effectively make difficult decisions? You can use the Edward de Bono method - the PMI method. This abbreviation is a derivative English words(plus, minus, interesting). The method is very simple. It is based on the fact that before a decision is made, it is comprehensively evaluated. A table is drawn on a sheet of paper with three columns (pluses, minuses, interesting), and arguments for and against are indicated in each of the columns. In the “interesting” column, everything is written that is not good and not bad, but at the same time connected with the decision.

Below is an example. Decision: whether to rent an apartment on the outskirts with a friend?

When this table is drawn up, score each of the arguments in accordance with the direction (arguments for are denoted by a plus, against by a minus). For example, for some, more space is more important than pleasant company. At the end, the value of all arguments is summed up and it is determined whether the balance will be positive or negative.

The PMI method cannot be called innovative, it is not fundamentally different from how we make decisions in Everyday life. It seems that he appreciates the strong and weak sides this choice. Nothing is further from the truth. Most of us, when making a decision, actually take it for ourselves from the very beginning and then select arguments that would justify our choice. Even if it turns out that the decision we made has 3 more minuses, we will still choose it. People are actually not very rational, guided more by personal preferences, taste, etc. Pros and cons on a sheet of paper will allow for an accurate analysis, at least with a partial disconnection of emotions.

People are very often afraid of the consequences of their choices and do not like to make decisions. They would willingly shift the responsibility for their lives onto other people. Unfortunately, if we want to be happy, we must learn to solve our own problems and bear the burden of life's choices. There is no guarantee that others would do it better for us. We will never know if the options we ignored are better than the ones we chose, so don't weep over spilled milk and constantly regret the positives of rejected alternatives. Constantly lasting dissonance kills us morally.

All actions are divided into those whose results can be predicted, and those whose consequences can only be assumed. The most difficult is the choice, in which there is no way to know whether the outcome will be successful. There are situations in which you need to make a decision in a short time. It is at such moments that a person relies on intuition and his mind, which form the necessary balance for the right choice.

What influences decision making in difficult situations?

Correct decisions in various situations lead to the necessary goal. But personality is constantly evolving. When solving important problems and in difficult circumstances, it undergoes transformations. This means that priorities, goals and the person himself are changing. Therefore, when making an important decision, it is worth following the principle of "here and now", and not looking into the future. There are several methods that will help you learn how to make the right choice in career and life matters:

1. 1. Getting rid of the "narrow framework". A common occurrence when choosing one or another solution. It lies in the fact that the subconscious reduces the multiple variation of possible outcomes to a significant minority. When deciding whether to buy a car, a person sees only two options: "yes" or "no". However, alternative steps are not considered. For example, it is worth buying a cheap car or even postponing the purchase and leaving money for more necessary things. There is a compromise between the two solutions that can only be found in proper prioritization.
2. 2. Expansion of choice. A person is too strongly attached to the goal for which he initially set up his thinking, that is, he sees only one solution that is connected with this goal, and ignores others. An example is the adoption of the purchase of an apartment. If she initially made a good impression, and the realtor offered favorable conditions, then the question arises as to whether it is worth buying this particular property. But the fact is that this is the first apartment that was viewed. Also, when moving to another city, you should not limit your choice to one locality. It is necessary to visit several places first, and then choose the most suitable one. Therefore, there is no need to make hasty decisions, it is worth thoroughly studying the real estate market in order to choose the most suitable one from the best offers. You must always look for an alternative, consider possible options developments that may occur if a completely different decision is made.
3. 3. Information. When choosing, it is worthwhile to fully study the available data. When applying for a job, a person can ask questions to the boss himself in order to understand what position he is getting, or about the dismissal of a previous employee. You should not limit yourself to one source of information. In the interview, it is permissible to use leading questions. With the help of them, a certain scheme of actions is built, which will positively affect the decision made.
4. 4. Create space for simple solutions. Selection expansion is not always useful. Sometimes, due to the large number of options, a person is lost and it is difficult for him to make a final choice. Therefore, the method of basic priorities is applicable here. In combination with the expansion of options, it is able to simplify the task of making a decision. If a lot of interviews were passed when changing jobs and a large number of employers responded, then you need to compare your priorities with the conditions they offer. In case of a match, this will greatly simplify the choice.
5. 5. Test in practice. Any correct decision is backed up by experience. If there is a choice between two cars, a test drive will come to the rescue. Experience is the basis that is important in resolving contentious issues.
6. 6. Accepting criticism. The latter helps when correct and useful conclusions are drawn from it. An outside perspective helps to complement own picture reality, to balance arrogance with someone else's uncertainty.

There are times when these methods should not be used. The alternative is determined by the number of advantages and disadvantages, but sometimes the latter are not. If there are no negative consequences from the decision made, then it is worth acting immediately. For example, when meeting a girl, a guy will begin to weigh all the pros and cons, forgetting that he is single and free and wants love.

How to stop having bad thoughts

The right choice in personal life

In personal life, an excessive desire to have information can lead to quarrels and misunderstandings. The partner will regard this as a test or a threat to the relationship. But if mutual understanding reigns in the union, then the chosen one himself will tell everything you need.

Getting rid of fleeting emotions will help you not to regret the choice you made. Many wrong decisions are made under the influence of momentary feelings. Therefore, in difficult situations it is worth thinking about how you can relate to this issue in 10 minutes or years.

Any choice requires time during which a person thinks about everything and gets rid of the influence of emotions. For example, a wife decided to divorce her husband and go to her lover after he gave her an expensive gift and organized beautiful evening. But the spouse does this under the influence of emotions that remained after the meeting. Therefore, it is worth considering what will happen if the husband stays with the child, how it will affect him and whether the lover will always be so romantic. To streamline your thoughts and completely calm down, use the following methods:

1. 1. Calm breathing. It is necessary to make 10 measured exhalations and inhalations. This will focus attention and cool emotions.
2. 2. "Ideal me". The person represents the ideal course of events after the decision has been made. However, maintaining concentration, the help of a friend and the ability to wait are also necessary.

Knowing the basic priorities can help you always stick to the main goals and objectives. Sometimes, when choosing, a person forgets about the initial values ​​​​and is distracted by other options. This often happens in personal relationships. Sometimes it is difficult for a woman to make a choice between two men, although subconsciously she has long been made. But thinking about another guy, his qualities and virtues block the image of the already chosen man and repel him from the initial choice.

In making a decision, it is easy to fall into the traps of arrogance, they are called "mine trips". It will seem that everything is fine and good, but problems may begin later. Due to arrogance, a person will not be able to turn back, since he has a strong attachment to choice. This often happens in relationships. At the first stages, it seems to a girl or a guy that this is forever and this choice is the best, and the relationship is idealized. But any relationship is not immune from quarrels and crises that lead to parting. Because of blind faith in the choice made, partners often do not notice that they are not suitable for each other. Therefore, one must immediately understand that the creation of an alliance is hard labour and the ability to find alternative solutions to problems that arise.

The use of these methods will help to make the right decision, give the selection procedure clarity and clarity. But they require a lot of time, and decisions do not lend themselves to dry analysis of the mind. A person will never receive absolute information or complete confidence in his choice. Therefore, intuition also plays an important role.

When people share the worst decisions they have made in their lives, they often refer to the fact that the choice was made in a fit of instinctive emotions: passion, fear, greed.

Our life would be completely different if Ctrl + Z were active in life, which would cancel the decisions made.

But we are not slaves of our mood. Instinctive emotions tend to become dull or completely disappear. That's why folk wisdom recommends that in the case when you need to make an important decision, it is better to go to bed. Good advice, By the way. It won't hurt to take note! Although for many solutions one sleep is not enough. We need a specific strategy.

One of the effective tools that we would like to offer you is strategy for success at work and in life from Susie Welch(Suzy Welch) - former editor-in-chief of the Harvard Business Review, popular author, television commentator and journalist. It is called 10/10/10 and involves making decisions through the prism of three different time frames:

• How will you feel about it 10 minutes later?
• What will you think about this decision after 10 months?
• What will be your reaction to this in 10 years?

By focusing our attention on these deadlines, we distance ourselves some distance from the problem of our making an important decision.

Now let's look at the effect of this rule on an example.

Situation: Veronica has a boyfriend Cyril. They have been dating for 9 months, but their relationship can hardly be called ideal. Veronica claims that Cyril - wonderful person, and in many ways he is exactly what she has been looking for throughout her life. However, she is very worried that their relationship is not moving forward. She is 30, she wants a family and. She does not have an endless amount of time to develop a relationship with Kirill, who is under 40. During these 9 months, she never met Cyril's daughter from her first marriage, and in their couple the cherished “I love you” never sounded from either side.

The divorce from his wife was terrible. After that, Cyril decided to avoid Serious relationships. In addition, he keeps his daughter away from his personal life. Veronica understands that he is in pain, but she is also offended that such an important part the life of her beloved is closed to her.

Veronica knows that Cyril does not like to rush into decisions. But should she then herself take the step and say “I love you” first?

The girl was advised to use the 10/10/10 rule, and this is what came of it. Veronica was asked to imagine that right now she has to decide whether she confesses her love to Cyril on the weekend or not.

Question 1: How will you react to this decision after 10 minutes?

Answer:“I think I would be worried, but at the same time proud of myself that I took a chance and said it first.”

Question 2: What would you think of your decision if 10 months had passed?

Answer:“I don't think I'll regret it 10 months later. No, I will not. I sincerely want everything to work out. Who does not take risks, then does not drink champagne!

Question 3: How do you feel about your decision 10 years later?

Answer:“Regardless of how Cyril reacts, in 10 years the decision to declare love first is unlikely to matter. By that time, either we'll be happy together, or I'll be in a relationship with someone else."

Notice the 10/10/10 rule works! As a result, we have quite a simple solution:

Veronica has to take the lead. She will be proud of herself if she does this, and sincerely believes that she will not regret what she did, even if nothing works out with Cyril in the end. But without a conscious analysis of the situation according to the 10/10/10 rule, making an important decision seemed extremely difficult for her. Short-term emotions—fear, nervousness, and fear of rejection—were distractions and deterrents.

What happened to Veronica after, you might ask. She did say "I love you" first. In addition, she tried to do everything to change the situation, and stop feeling in limbo. Cyril did not confess his love to her. But progress was on the face: he became closer to Veronica. The girl believes that he loves her, that he just needs a little more time to overcome his own and confess the reciprocity of feelings. In her opinion, the chances that they will be together are up to 80%.

Eventually

The 10/10/10 rule helps you win on the emotional side of the game. The feelings that you are experiencing now, at this moment, seem rich and sharp, and the future, on the contrary, is vague. Therefore, the emotions experienced in the present are always in the foreground.

The 10/10/10 strategy forces you to change the angle of your vision: to consider a moment in the future (for example, in 10 months) from the same point of view that you are looking at in the present.

This method allows you to put your short-term emotions into perspective. It's not that you should ignore them. Often they even help you get what you want in a given situation. But you must not let your emotions get the better of you.

It is necessary to remember the contrast of emotions not only in life, but also at work. For example, if you intentionally avoid a serious conversation with your boss, you are letting your emotions get the best of you. If you imagine the possibility of having a conversation, then after 10 minutes you will be just as nervous, and after 10 months - will you be glad that you decided to have this conversation? Breathe easy? Or will you feel proud?

But what if you want to reward the work of a great employee and are going to offer him a promotion: will you doubt the correctness of your decision after 10 minutes, will you regret what you did after 10 months (suddenly other employees will feel left out), and will it Will the promotion make any difference to your business 10 years from now?

As you can see short-term emotions are not always harmful. The 10/10/10 rule suggests that looking at emotions in the long run is not the only correct one. It only proves that the short-term feelings you experience cannot be at the head of the table when you make important and responsible decisions.